Random Acts of Insanity
by Ariennye
Summary: Miniature golf from hell, large masses of jello and a problematic car ride. Only a few of the problems that face the Final Fantasy VIII crew.
1. Surprise Party: Part One

Disclaimer: No own Squaresoft or FF8.  
  
Surprise Party: Part One  
  
A/N: I split 'Surprise Party' into two parts, chapters one and two. So if you already read this, read chapter three!  
  
"Oh, this will be great! I always wanted to plan a birthday party."  
  
"Calm down, Selphie."  
  
"Aw, give her a break Quisty. Great idea, Rinoa."  
  
"Thanks, Irvine."  
  
"Let's plan the PAAH-TAY!"  
  
"Um, Selphie, not so loud."  
  
"Back off, Zell."  
  
"But you're being loud!"  
  
"So? This is such a great idea, I feel like shouting!"  
  
"What's a great idea?"  
  
Rinoa, Zell, Selphie, Quistis and Irvine quickly looked up, embarrassed, from their table in the cafeteria to see Squall there.  
  
"Hi Squall." Rinoa said, finding her voice first. "How are you?" But he wasn't about to be distracted.  
  
"What's a great idea?"  
  
"Oh, nothing much." Rinoa quickly scanned the cafeteria for inspiration. "We were just talking about the Garden Festival Selphie is planning. It looks like it'll be great this year."  
  
"Whatever." There was an uneasy silence.  
  
"Well, I need to get going. I need to see Cid about permission for my top secret idea." Selphie said, and hurried off.  
  
"I just came over here to remind you guys that we need to be at the Quad to meet with the other Garden leaders."  
  
"Oh, is that today?" Irvine asked. "I didn't know that."  
  
"It's at seven."  
  
"Oh, right." Rinoa said. "We'll be there."  
  
"Definitely." Zell said.  
  
"Count on it." Irvine added.  
  
"Wouldn't miss it."  
  
Squall looked at them oddly. "Whatever. Just remind Selphie." he said, and walked off.  
  
"That was so close." Rinoa said.  
  
"Oh yeah." Zell agreed, looking relieved. "What if he had heard the entire idea?"  
  
"We'll meet at three to start the plans. You guy going to be there?" Rinoa asked.  
  
"Yeah! Wouldn't miss it. The expression on Squall's face." Irvine added.  
  
"Oh yeah. That'll be classic."  
  
"See you later then."  
  
+ + +  
  
It was three o'clock (or 1500 hours, whatever). Rinoa, Zell, Selphie, Quistis and Irvine were in the quad.  
  
"Okay, we are officially planning a surprise party for Squall."  
  
"Hoo yeah." Zell said.  
  
"So, first things first. What will happen at the party?"  
  
"Let's watch Rampaging Ruby Dragons!" Quistis said.  
  
"Paintball tournament!" Irvine yelled.  
  
"Dancing!" Rinoa said, smiling.  
  
"Rabbit petting zoo!" Selphie said, doing the Selphie happy dance. (A/N: Do they have rabbits there? Oh well.)  
  
"HOT DOG EATING CONTEST!"  
  
Everyone looked at Zell.  
  
"Um, Zell, you realize this isn't your party, right?" Rinoa asked.  
  
"What kind of an idiotic idea was that?" Irvine demanded.  
  
"Get help." Quistis said.  
  
"Yeah, really. No one wants to do that." Selphie added.  
  
"I do!"  
  
"Besides you."  
  
"Well, let's add it." They stared at Rinoa.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"It'll keep Zell from doing something stupid."  
  
"Okay then." Irvine said.  
  
"Sure." Selphie agreed.  
  
"Let's go for it." Added Quistis.  
  
"That wasn't very nice."  
  
"Do you want the contest or not?" Rinoa demanded.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Then no complaining." Rinoa looked back at the others. "Now, Selphie, about your idea."  
  
"What's wrong with a rabbit petting zoo?"  
  
"Those are for little kids. Irvine, your idea was fine, as was Quistis'. I vote for my idea."  
  
"But I like rabbits!"  
  
"Pick something else, Selphie."  
  
"Okay then! How about.Mesmerize races!"  
  
Rinoa shrugged. "That sounds good. Any objections?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"Any objections to the other ideas of dancing, a paintball tournament, and watching Rampaging Ruby Dragons?  
  
More silence.  
  
"It's settled, then. Now, the meeting starts at seven and should end at nine. We have four hours to get this together, plus invite everyone."  
  
"Who should we invite?" Selphie asked.  
  
"How about Fujin and Raijin?" Quistis suggested.  
  
"Well, they do provide entertainment, as long as Raijin acts stupid." Irvine said.  
  
"Then we'll definitely get entertainment." Zell informed him.  
  
"Seifer?" Rinoa asked.  
  
"Hmm, I don't know about that." Zell said, making a face of disgust.  
  
"Well, as long as we put a ban on gunblades, everything should be okay." Quistis said.  
  
"Alright then. We'll invite Seifer." Rinoa said brightly, and added him onto the list.  
  
"And Xu." Quistis added.  
  
"Plus the CC group." Zell said.  
  
"What about Ellone, Laguna, Kiros and Ward?" Irvine asked.  
  
"Yeah, why not." Rinoa said, and wrote them down too.  
  
"Cid and Edea too. They'll get us in trouble if we don't invite them." Quistis said brightly.  
  
"The jogger boy." Irvine said.  
  
"Won't that be too late for him?" Selphie asked.  
  
"Nah, he can stay an hour." Irvine said, waving his hand.  
  
"And who'll bring him back?" Selphie asked.  
  
"Um." Irvine looked stumped.  
  
"Well, it was Irvine's idea. He can." Rinoa informed them.  
  
"Okay." Selphie said.  
  
"W-wait a minute!" Irvine stuttered.  
  
"But we'll need to invite the other kids too, or they'll be upset." Quistis added.  
  
"Yeah, and Irvine can baby-sit them!" said Selphie, smiling brightly.  
  
"Hold on a minute." Irvine complained.  
  
"Oh, and the librarian, plus Doctor Kadowaki." Zell added.  
  
"Nida too." Quistis informed them.  
  
"Then who'll drive?" Rinoa asked.  
  
"We'll just stop Garden for a while." Zell said.  
  
"About that idea where I baby-sit." Irvine interjected.  
  
"All the SeeD who were with us during the war too." Selphie added.  
  
"Plus the class Quistis teaches." Zell said.  
  
"Ah, let's just invite the whole Garden." Rinoa said.  
  
"Yeah. We have nearly half the people in it mentioned anyway." said Quistis.  
  
"I really don't want to baby-sit guys." Irvine whined.  
  
"Irvine, shut up."  
  
"But." Irvine began.  
  
"Okay! We've wasted enough time talking! Let's get going. Selphie, you and Irvine will decorate. Zell and I can get the food. Quistis, you're in charge of the invitations. Nothing fancy, just a quick message Squall doesn't get."  
  
"Roger." Zell said, saluting.  
  
"Let's do it!" Selphie shouted, jumping in the air.  
  
"Understood!" Quistis informed her.  
  
Rinoa, Zell, Selphie and Quistis left, leaving Irvine standing there.  
  
"Guys."  
  
+ + +  
  
Squall normally didn't mind the chatter people that crowded Balamb Garden. But today, it was just ridiculous! They were everywhere, walking in small groups, all whispering as though they all had a great big secret that no one else could hear. He made his way to the back of the library, where the meet was now being held. Apparently, Selphie needed to prepare the quad for her secret Garden Festival idea, and no one could see it yet. At least, that was what Cid had said. But people had been entering and leaving the quad all day.  
  
He passed the cafeteria, and decided to get a quick bite to eat. He hadn't eaten all day, and there were still fifteen minutes until the meeting. He started down the short hallway, and bumped into Zell.  
  
"WHOA!" he said, and backed up a bit. When he recognized who it was, he shrank back.  
  
"Uh, hey Squall! What are you doing here?"  
  
"Getting dinner."  
  
"Oh, right. Well, wait there. I'll get it."  
  
"I can get it myself."  
  
"But, but."  
  
"Let me through."  
  
"Hey, it's no problem. I have the time, and with that meeting coming up."  
  
"You need to be there too."  
  
"Well, yeah, but a few minutes is okay, right? And you're the leader, so you need to be there early. Honestly, I have the time."  
  
"You were in a hurry a moment ago."  
  
"Well, you see."  
  
"Enough." Squall said, a pushed past him. Zell raced after him.  
  
"Squall, come on." But Squall ignored him, and pushed through the doors.  
  
.and right into someone with a very large mass of jello.  
  
"Sorry!" Rinoa said. She looked closer at the person who had run into her. "S-Squall?"  
  
Squall just stood there, covered in jello. "What.what is this?"  
  
"Um, jello."  
  
"No. Why do you have all this jello?"  
  
"Um.Zell wanted to see how much he could eat in a minute!"  
  
"And that's why I was kind of embarrassed for you to see that."  
  
Squall just glared at them. "Be more careful." he said, and stomped out of the cafeteria. Thanks to the delay caused by Zell and his jello, he had ten minutes to change and get to the library. He muttered several curses under his breath.  
  
+ + +  
  
"That was so close." Rinoa said.  
  
"Tell me about it. Thank god you were there."  
  
"Yeah. If he had seen the rest of the food." she gestured toward the piles of food they had created to feed the entire Garden, plus several extras - more specifically, Ellone, Laguna, Kiros and Ward.  
  
"I wonder how Selphie and Irvine are coming with the decorations?"  
  
+ + +  
  
"Selphie, we're out of balloons."  
  
"What? There were three 100 packs there, Irvine!"  
  
"I know, but while you were off looking for confetti, there was this stampede of T-Rexaurs that came running through here, and they trampled all the balloons I hadn't hung up yet."  
  
"No, seriously, where are they?" Selphie demanded.  
  
"I told you."  
  
"Irvine."  
  
"Okay, okay, I got a little carried away popping balloons."  
  
"IRVINE!"  
  
"Sorry. So what do we do?"  
  
'We're out of balloons now. I can't get anymore, because in ten minutes that meeting starts." Selphie complained.  
  
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that." He looked around. "Where is that confetti anyway?"  
  
"I ran into Xu outside the elevator, and she told me she would bring it, because I needed to get back here a put the streamers up."  
  
"Oh, and about the extra packs of streamers you gave me."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I sort of dropped them over the side." Irvine admitted, looking pointedly at the floor.  
  
"IRVINE!"  
  
"Sorry!" Just then Xu rushed in.  
  
"Squall told me to remind you about the meeting."  
  
"Where's the confetti?" Selphie asked.  
  
"Oh, Quistis said she could get it, because I needed to talk to one of the Garden leaders." Quistis came in just then.  
  
"All the invitations were sent, and we have a little kid game section set up in the cafeteria." Quistis informed them.  
  
"Quistis, where's the confetti?"  
  
"I got Rinoa to get it, because I needed to direct the landing for Laguna's ship. We needed to make sure Squall didn't see it."  
  
"Where's Rinoa?"  
  
"I don't know. She should be here soon."  
  
Selphie sighed. "Great. Irvine, go find Rinoa."  
  
"Okay." He started toward the door, but was stopped when there was a shout. "Sorry!" a voice called. Selphie, Quistis, Irvine and Xu hurried into the hall. They looked over toward the dorms, saw the source of the commotion, and stared. Rinoa was standing in front of the short hallway to the dorms with a bucket filled a fourth of the way with confetti. The majority of the confetti had landed on Squall, who was covered in an orange goo.  
  
"Um, Squall, what are you covered in?" Irvine asked. Squall slowly turned toward him.  
  
"Don't ask that again." he growled. Irvine backed up a step.  
  
"I'm not about to press my luck, don't worry."  
  
Zell chose at that moment to join them. "I love that game!" He looked at Squall. "Um, Squall."  
  
"Don't. Just don't." he said, and started toward his dorm. Rinoa looked around apologetically.  
  
"I didn't mean to, but I was just in such a hurry."  
  
"Just don't expect Squall to be nice to you." Zell said.  
  
"What was he covered in?" Quistis asked.  
  
"I sort of spilled the jello on him." Rinoa said, blushing.  
  
"Great." Selphie said. "He's not going to want to leave his room."  
  
"Sorry, but I didn't mean to!"  
  
"I know, I know, just calm down. We'll think of something." Selphie said.  
  
"The meeting!" Xu shouted, and hurried away. Squall came out of his dorm, with slightly damp hair and his SeeD outfit.  
  
"Come on, we need to get to the meeting." Squall growled, and hurried toward the library. The others followed, looking around anxiously.  
  
"I hope he isn't too mad." Selphie whispered to Irvine.  
  
"Don't worry about it. At least you didn't dump jello on him."  
  
"I heard that!" Rinoa hissed.  
  
Squall whirled around. "Knock it off. I don't know what you're whispering about, but it's all I've heard all day, and it's annoying." The others looked down, embarrassed.  
  
"Sorry." they muttered. Squall glared for another minute, then continued walking.  
  
They finally reached the library. Squall stopped and looked around suspiciously. Of all the places in Balamb Garden, the library and the cafeteria were always crowded with students either eating or studying. But the library was empty. Even when meetings were going on there were students quietly moving in and out to get books, but today there were none. The librarian wasn't even on duty. Squall looked around a moment more, then headed to the back of the library, where the meeting was about to begin.  
  
"Ah, Squall, glad you're here." Cid said as they walked to the table. "Meet Headmaster Mercaia, from Trabia Garden." Squall took the lady's offered hand, after a moments hesitation, and gave it a quick shake.  
  
"Hi headmaster!" Selphie said. (A/N: Incase you forgot, Selphie was from Trabia.)  
  
"Hello Selphie. I am pleased to meet you again." Mercaia said, extending her hand. Selphie shook it vigorously. "I was glad to hear you had completed your studies here and become a SeeD."  
  
"Thanks!"  
  
"Well, I really hate to interrupt your reminiscing, but we need to start this meeting. And I'm sure you remember Martine, newly reinstated headmaster of Galbadia Garden." Squall merely nodded. Martine looked embarrassed.  
  
"Now, let's all take some seats. We're here to discuss several changes." Cid started.  
  
+ + +  
  
Squall was walking back toward his dorm. He was annoyed to see Rinoa waiting there. She looked up nervously as he came toward her.  
  
"Hey Squall."  
  
"Hello."  
  
"So, um, want to come with me to see the quad?" Rinoa asked.  
  
"No." Rinoa blinked. Normally he just found an excuse not to come somewhere, instead of just saying no.  
  
"Please?" Rinoa asked.  
  
"No."  
  
"But I really, really want you to come."  
  
"No. I have just had jello and confetti dumped on me by you. No way." Squall said, crossing his arms.  
  
"Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please-"  
  
"STOP IT!" Squall shouted.  
  
"I'll keep saying it until you come with me. Please, please, please-"  
  
"Alright, alright, alright. I'll go." Squall said in defeat.  
  
"Thanks!" she said, and practically dragged him to the quad. They stepped into the quad.  
  
.and a large canvas sign fell on Squall. There was a brief struggle, and Squall emerged from under it. He glared at the people, who were looking at him nervously.  
  
"Um, well, Happy Birthday Squall." Selphie said nervously. Squall just glared. Everyone else echoed Selphie's words. Then they started to clap.  
  
"So let's start the PAAR-TAH!" Selphie shouted, and everyone else cheered. They started to separate, with a bunch of noisy kids being lead away by Irvine, who was looking annoyed. Zell was laughing at him, and Quistis was looking amused from a distance. Selphie was talking with Xu, and several people were betting on Mesmerize races. Rinoa had just folded the canvas and put it away.  
  
"So, what do you think of the surprise party?"  
  
"This is the worst party I have ever been to. And the first."  
  
"This isn't the worst party you've been to. What about your inauguration ball? If you've forgotten that."  
  
"Well, this is the first birthday party anyway." Rinoa was about to say something, but she was cut off by an announcement from Zell.  
  
"The Hot Dog Eating Contest begins in five minutes in the left corner of the quad, near the edge. One hundred gil to whoever can convince Squall to join in." 


	2. Surprise Party: Part Two

Disclaimer: No own Squaresoft or FF8.  
  
Surprise Party: Part Two  
  
"I am going to kill Zell."  
  
"Are you going to join?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Well, I don't want to alarm you, but there are a lot of people coming this way."  
  
Squall looked up. "Damn," he said, and hurried out of the quad. Rinoa followed.  
  
"Come on, stay at your party!"  
  
"No way."  
  
"At least come back in five minutes, after the contest starts."  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"Thanks!" She gave Squall a big hug, then ran off. Squall started to leave, but Selphie stopped him.  
  
"There you are, Squall. I was wondering if you could do a job for me, because you're probably trying to avoid the quad for a couple minutes."  
  
"Maybe."  
  
"Check on Irvine for me. He's overseeing the children's games in the cafeteria."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Tee hee, thanks. Happy Birthday!" she said, then ran off. Squall sighed, and started toward the cafeteria.  
  
Inside, pandemonium reigned. (A/N: Not Pandemona, the GF, unfortunately. Although I personally like Leviathan and Diablos.) Kids were running around screaming as they dragged streamers behind them.  
  
"Look at me, I'm King of the Cafeteria!" shouted one kid.  
  
"But that's Zell."  
  
"No fair! Waaaaah!"  
  
Several of the kids had let several rabbits loose (Selphie did get a rabbit petting zoo.), and they were being chased by several kids. Two kids were using chairs to battle, and several were behind the counter stuffing their faces with candy. Irvine raced into the room.  
  
"Put that fork down!" he shouted at a kid using a fork like a dagger. "You, get away from the counter!" He looked over at Squall. "Whoa! Why are you here?"  
  
"Selphie asked me to look in on you." Squall said. "I think she was right to worry."  
  
"Tell her to get in here! I need serious help!"  
  
"Yeah, I could tell."  
  
"Why aren't you at the party?"  
  
"Because Zell promised to give 100 gil to whoever convinced me to join the Hot Dog Eating Contest."  
  
"Oh, yeah. Wait, the contest! That starts in a minute! Get me some serious help! I really want to see that!"  
  
"Don't worry, Selphie said she was going to tape it."  
  
"Good. But I still need help."  
  
"After the contest. Everyone else is going to see it."  
  
"You're not."  
  
"Irvine, between watching these kids and see that stupid contest, I think you know which I would prefer."  
  
"Yeah. See ya!" He started toward the door.  
  
"And I pick the contest." Squall said. "I'll tell Selphie what you said." He walked back toward the quad, and entered just as the contest was about to start.  
  
"Okay, are the contestants ready?"  
  
"YEAH!"  
  
"Is the camera ready with a fully charged battery?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Okay. On your mark, get set.go!" And Zell dived into the stack of hot dogs like there had been a five-year famine. Selphie was watching this with amusement from behind the camera.  
  
"This is so funny! Zell has finished his hot dogs way before anyone else, and he's stealing some from that poor fourteen year old!" Sure enough, Zell was threatening a teen with a fork while he ate his hot dogs. Irvine stuck his head in the camera lens just as the end bell sounded.  
  
"Hi!"  
  
"Irvine! Who's watching the midgets?"  
  
"I got Nida to do it, because he hates hot dogs. I promised I'd be back soon, though. I really, really, really need help."  
  
"Mental help?"  
  
"No, with the midgets! They're fighting with chairs and forks and eating the candy and using the streamers and one kid just discovered you can throw people off tables and hit them with bottles. Fortunately, they haven't found the glass ones yet."  
  
"Wow. They're learning to bar fight at an early age. I need to see this." She picked up her camera, and left with Irvine. Squall just stared. 'This is not happening, this is not happening.'  
  
"So, now what?" Rinoa asked.  
  
"I can leave?" he asked hopefully.  
  
"No, silly, not until eleven."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"You heard me. The little people go to bed at ten, then we all party until eleven."  
  
"Great."  
  
"Come on, let's get some food." She looked over at Zell, who was lying on his back, fork still grasped firmly in his hand. "Or we could check on Zell."  
  
"That might be a good idea." Quistis said, coming over to join them. "He's either paralyzed, or he passed out with his eyes open. Either way, it isn't a good sign." They walked over. Quistis waved her hand in his face.  
  
"Hey Zell, are you alive?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Good. Now, can you get up?  
  
"No."  
  
Quistis grinned. "Do you want a hot dog?"  
  
"NO!" he shouted, with more force.  
  
"Yeah, the chicken-wuss wants a chicken dog." a voice behind them said. They turned around to face Seifer, Fujin and Raijin.  
  
"WHAT?!" Zell said.  
  
"Chick-en.wuss.wants.a.chick-en.dog."  
  
"Be glad they placed a weapon ban on the party." Zell growled.  
  
"I thought you fought with your fists." Seifer said, smirking.  
  
"Yeah, but if I did fight I'd get in trouble."  
  
"Oh, and then they would tell your mommy. How sad."  
  
"Argh!" Zell shouted, and kicked Seifer in the shin.  
  
"Hey! Watch it!" Seifer shouted.  
  
"NOT GOOD." Fujin said.  
  
"Yeah, ya can't do that to the leader of the Disciplinary Committee, ya know? That's not allowed, ya know?" Raijin added.  
  
"Why are you guys on the Disciplinary Committee?" Rinoa asked. "That is about the stupidest thing I have ever heard." (A/N: Remember, she isn't from Garden.)  
  
"Good thing we didn't ask your opinion then." Seifer said.  
  
"I'll hit you!" Zell threatened.  
  
"So, you do fight every once in a while.I didn't know that."  
  
"What, do you think I helped beat Ultimecia with my breath?"  
  
"Yeah, I did."  
  
"Argh!" he shouted again, and tried hit Seifer in the shin again. But he was ready this time. He grabbed his foot and twisted.  
  
"Seifer, stop!" Quistis commanded.  
  
"Sure thing." he said, and dropped Zell's foot so fast it impacted with the floor.  
  
"Ouch!" Zell howled in pain.  
  
"Seifer!"  
  
"See you losers later." Seifer said, and disappeared into the crowd. Fujin and Raijin headed toward the buffet.  
  
"Man, I am so hungry, ya know? And this looks really good, ya know?  
  
"SILENCE!"  
  
"Ow! Sorry!"  
  
"You have no idea how many times today I have heard the word sorry." Selphie said as she came back with her camera, minus Irvine.  
  
"Where's Irvine?" Quistis asked.  
  
"He's with Nida watching those kids. Man, they sure are a handful. But I got a great scene of them being chased by Irvine and Nida after their little 'bar fight'. You guys have to see it. Oh, and I need to get a picture of you Zell. Don't move."  
  
"I don't think he could even if he wanted to." Quistis said.  
  
"We'll see the film later." Rinoa said. "We were just on our way to the buffet." She looked over the buffet, to where the paintballs had once been. The weapons were still there, but the actual ammo was gone. "Where did all the paintballs go?"  
  
"Oh man, I need to get this on film!" Selphie said, and they looked to where she was taping. Raijin had the paintballs and was taking careful aim at Fujin, who was talking to Seifer. (A/N: Well, she was giving sentences with five or less words in them as opinions, but that the same as talking for Fujin.)  
  
Splat.  
  
Fujin looked up as a huge glob of paint impacted with her head.  
  
"RAGE!" she shouted, and grabbed the bucket of ammo he had left near her, in complete stupidity. (A/N: Then again, we are talking about Raijin.) She pulled it up, and shoved the whole thing on his head. It all oozed out from under the bucket in a multicolored mass.  
  
"REVENGE." she said.  
  
"Oh, that was so stupid. Glad I got that on film. Of course, that means no paintball tournament, but I couldn't care less. I'll go break the great news to Irvine, and tell him it's finally ten." She was about ten steps toward the door when they burst open, and a figure in a black robe walked in.  
  
"Doom!" he shouted, and fired at the surprised people, who ducked.  
  
(A/N: Cliffhanger? Nah.)  
  
Suddenly the figure burst out laughing, and pulled the robe off.  
  
"Surprise!" shouted Laguna.  
  
"The hell was that about?!" Zell said from the floor.  
  
"You mean the bullets? They were blanks. Fooled ya!" he said, and collapsed to the floor, laughing. Kiros, Ward and Ellone walked in.  
  
"When you said 'Give them a surprise', we thought you were going to jump in and say 'Surprise!', not give them a heart attack."  
  
"." said Ward.  
  
"Even Ward agrees."  
  
"How can you know what he's saying?"  
  
"Remember the elder in Winter Village who was telling us about the wordless language.? Do you remember that at all, or were you too busy watching the toy Moomba walk around?"  
  
"Um."  
  
"Really, Uncle Laguna, you should try to be calmer. You are the president of Esthar, after all."  
  
"Yeah, I'll calm down a little when I reach 90 or so."  
  
"Um, Laguna.never mind." Kiros decided.  
  
By now everyone was up (with the obvious exception of Zell), and they had gone back to whatever they had been doing. Laguna, Kiros, Ward and Ellone came over to Squall.  
  
"Happy Birthday." Laguna said.  
  
"Why are you here?" Squall asked.  
  
"Because Quistis told me to come."  
  
"Ah. And that display with the machine gun.?" Squall questioned.  
  
"Just some entertainment."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Great looking party." Kiros said.  
  
"." Ward added.  
  
"Thanks." he muttered. Finally, Laguna left to bet on the Mesmerize races, Kiros and Ward left to keep him out of trouble (and they sure had to work at it.), and Ellone went to speak to Edea after wishing Squall a happy birthday.  
  
"Now what?" Squall asked Rinoa.  
  
"Well."  
  
Rinoa was cut off when Quistis ran into the room. "We're watching Rampaging Ruby Dragons in the library!" she shouted. Nearly everyone raced for the door.  
  
Rampaging Ruby Dragons was a popular movie about Ruby Dragons rampaging through the Island Closest to Hell in search of ham sandwiches. It was a humor/horror movie, which was a rare combination. But apparently it could happen, and thus became popular. And the movie was very rare. People had been trying to get Quistis to sell it for about eight years now.  
  
Rinoa surveyed the now empty room. "Well, let's go see about that movie." She started toward the door.  
  
"Wait up! I love that movie!" Laguna shouted, and raced to catch up. Unfortunately for him, he passed right by where Fujin and Raijin had been with the paintballs. He slipped, did a flip in mid-air, and fell onto his back.  
  
"Ow." he said.  
  
"Wow! Glad I got that on film!" Selphie said. "And the paint thing." Laguna pushed himself up. His back was covered a multicolored blob.  
  
"Oh great." he muttered, and left the room. Selphie followed, with Rinoa and Squall running to catch up. They all met in the library, which was quickly turning into a scene of laughter and screams.  
  
"Ahhh! Hahahahahaha! Ahhhh! Hahahahaha!" was what was generally heard during the movie.  
  
"Can we leave yet?" Squall asked.  
  
"No." Rinoa said, and pushed forward. "I love this part!"  
  
The part was when a ruby dragon crashed into an insane facility and started to free the pigs, in hope that they would lead it to the ham sandwich. Personally, Squall thought it was the stupidest thing he had ever seen, but he couldn't escape.  
  
Finally, after many popcorn fights and some apple throwing (the people in the library were doing this, not the rampaging Ruby Dragons), it was over. Squall hastily departed.  
  
"Thank god that's over with." he said, but he spoke a little too soon.  
  
"RUN!" Irvine shouted as he raced out of the quad followed by stampeding Mesmerizes. Squall took one look and ran to the elevator, pressing the second floor. Once up there he looked over the edge of the walkway, and surveyed the scene below.  
  
Awoken by the confusion, the kids had gotten out of bed and were riding the Mesmerizes. Irvine was chasing them, yelling at the top of his lungs. Zell was attempting to tackle one, but he missed and fell into the water. (Remember, the water surrounding the elevator.?) Quistis was trying lasso them, but she wasn't having any luck. Rinoa, with the help of Angelo who had also been woken up, were herding them back toward the pens. Laguna was generally running around like a chicken with it's head cut off, but that was normal. Selphie had come up in the elevator to stand next to Squall, and was taping the whole thing.  
  
Finally, they were all in their pens, having been lured there by the extra hot dogs (much to Zell's horror), and the kids were being forced back to bed. The others looked up at Squall and Selphie, who were watching them.  
  
"Night." Squall said, and walked to the elevator. He went down to the first floor, and went to his dorm to hide.  
  
Epilogue  
  
The next morning everyone was sitting at the table, staring at their eggs and toast.  
  
"Never again." Squall said to them as he walked in a settled down. He had slept well last night, while Rinoa, Zell, Selphie, Quistis and Irvine.  
  
"Yeah." muttered Zell, and everyone else nodded general agreement.  
  
"Look what I got!" Selphie said as she ran in. She was the only one awake. "The tape from last night."  
  
Everyone watched as she started the tape. They watched the film in horror. Squall slapped his head as the canvas fell. Irvine shuddered as they watched the kids running around.  
  
"What?! I am not the King of the Cafeteria!" Zell shouted indignantly.  
  
"Remember the hot dogs, Zell."  
  
"Don't say that near me until lunchtime."  
  
They also watched as the Hot Dog Eating Contest began. Zell groaned as they watched him gobble the hot dogs and steal some from the poor kid. Then Zell attempted to punch Seifer as he laughed at the 'defeating Ultimecia with your breath' thing. Everyone had to laugh as Fujin dumped the paintballs on Raijin's head. Everyone looked back at them. The back of Fujin's head was blue, and Raijin was mulitcolored.  
  
"That scared me!" a student said as she watched Laguna ran in with the machine gun. They watched the people watching Rampaging Ruby Dragons fighting with popcorn and throwing apples at the ceiling. And, finally, they watched the Mesmerizes stampede the main hall. Everyone had to laugh as Zell fell into the water. Zell blushed and hid his head in his hands.  
  
"Oh, watch this next part! This takes place during the planning."  
  
Everyone watched in stunned silence as Squall ran into Rinoa when she was carrying the jello, and then again with the confetti. There was a film of Irvine jumping on the balloons and shooting them with this shot gun, then lying about it. They also watched him throw the streamers like a football, then drop it over the side. Quistis was shown dropping the confetti in the water as she tripped, then asking Rinoa to get some more. Selphie tripped over some chairs and dropped the confetti she was getting into the water. Fujin and Raijin were shown arguing about the cake, which Rinoa had asked them to sample.  
  
"MOIST."  
  
"No way, ya know? It's way to dry. They need to watch the cooking, ya know?"  
  
"IGNORE."  
  
"Fine, whatever, ya know?"  
  
"Um, try this jello." Rinoa said, obviously nervous.  
  
"FRUIT BAD."  
  
"No way, ya know? The fruit is fine."  
  
"SLIMY."  
  
"No way! It's very soft instead of hard, ya know?"  
  
"SILENCE."  
  
"And, um, then the, um, cookies."  
  
"GOOD."  
  
"I agree with Fujin, ya know? They're good and chewy, ya know?"  
  
"Yes, well, glad you think so. Um, I don't really need anymore help."  
  
"Call if you do, ya know?" They left.  
  
"Yeah, right." Rinoa muttered.  
  
Then they watched Seifer arguing with Zell.  
  
"You don't carry the cake that way. And the cookies shouldn't be randomly thrown in there."  
  
"And what do you know about culinary arts?"  
  
"Nothing, but you know even less. About everything."  
  
"How dare you?"  
  
"Well, seeing as I'm on the Disciplinary Committee, and you aren't."  
  
"Argh!" Zell shouted, and threw the cake at him. He ran off before he could react.  
  
"That explains why there wasn't any cake." a student said. "You need cake at a birthday party."  
  
Then film ended with them all walking to the library, muttering.  
  
"Wasn't that great?" Selphie asked, jumping up and down. "I loved it!"  
  
"REVENGE!"  
  
"You shouldn't do that, ya know?"  
  
"That really isn't the best thing to do." a random cadet said.  
  
"You guys shouldn't hurt her. That isn't very nice." Rinoa said.  
  
"Where did you get those scenes anyway? You weren't there with the camera." Quistis said.  
  
"I have all of Balamb Garden bugged to see everything." Selphie informed them.  
  
There was a silence. Fujin moved first.  
  
"ATTACK!" And this time, no one stopped her. 


	3. A Miniature Golf Game

A/N: Thank you to everyone reviewed!  
  
Banshee Puppet: I really don't know. I just kind of happened. Yeah, I made conversations easier to follow.  
  
Kikoken: Okay.  
  
Ashbear: Yeah, that was scary. I have no idea where it came from.  
  
CTHKSI: Thank you!  
  
Happi Froggi: I told you. Please only review once, 'kay?  
  
A Miniature Golf Game  
  
Squall rubbed his eyes. He was tired of all the paperwork he had to do. He just wanted to lay down and take a nap for hours. But he needed to get this done. He picked up his pencil again, and started to finish the requisition form in front of him. 'God, I wish I could get away from here for a while.'  
  
Just then Rinoa came in. "Hi Squall!" she said. Not waiting for a response (because she probably wouldn't get one anyway) she continued. "Guess what? Selphie won tickets to a new miniature golf business from a radio station, and you're going too!" 'Be careful what you wish for.' Squall thought.  
  
"Look, Rinoa, I would love to go, but I have all this paperwork to do."  
  
"Nope." Rinoa said. "Cid said he'd get someone to take care of it."  
  
'Damn. Think of something quick!' Squall thought "Well." he began.  
  
"Glad you could go." Rinoa said, then walked over and pulled him up. "We're leaving now." Squall was dragged outside of the door, where he met Selphie, Zell, Irvine, and Quistis.  
  
"Great, we're all here!" Selphie said excitedly. Squall glared at her. She deflated a little, then popped back up. "Come on Squall, don't blame me! I just had to enter the contest. And I won! I won!" she jumped up and down, and hugged everyone, except Squall. "Let's go!" With that she ran off toward the Parking Lot. Everyone else followed Selphie at a more sedated pace, with Squall lagging behind as much as possible. 'Maybe if I duck behind this wall.'  
  
"No running, Squall." Rinoa said. Squall sighed as everyone surrounded him. He wasn't getting out of this easily.  
  
"I am the king of miniature golf." Zell informed him. "You cannot beat my mystical powers."  
  
".of stupidity." Irvine added. Zell lunged at Irvine, but missed and crashed to the ground. Squall sighed, stepped over Zell, and kept going. They reached the parking lot, and started out toward Balamb.  
  
+ + +  
  
"What do you do with this weapon?"  
  
"It's not a weapon, Squall, it's a golf club."  
  
"It looks like a weapon. The name sounds like a weapon. If I hit someone over the head with this it would hurt like a weapon."  
  
"But you use it to hit the golf ball."  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Into the hole."  
  
"That sounds boring." He tried it. "It is boring." Rinoa just shook her head.  
  
"Are you guys done at the practice area?" Zell asked. "The rest of us want to start playing."  
  
"Sure." Rinoa said, and started toward the first hole. After looking at the club dubiously, Squall followed the others. Zell went first. He hit his gold ball near the hole.  
  
"Oh yeah!" he said, punching the air.  
  
"Move Zell." Quistis said, and hit her ball. It was also near the hole. She stuck her tongue out at Zell, who glared.  
  
"You're next Squall."  
  
"Says who?"  
  
"That's how it's written on the score sheet."  
  
"Whatever." Squall muttered, put the golf ball down, and hit it.  
  
.right into the water.  
  
"Great going Squall." Quistis teased.  
  
"Yeah, nice one." Irvine added.  
  
"You can get another golf ball at the beginning." Selphie said. Squall muttered under his breath as he got another golf ball. He came back to see Rinoa hitting her ball. Just like the other four balls, it was near the hole. She smiled at him. "You're after Zell and Quistis." she reminded him. He nodded. Zell got his in. Quistis missed. Squall was next. He put his golf ball down, then started to shoot it.  
  
"Remember, hit it nice and easy." Irvine muttered from behind him. Squall turned around, glared at him, then hit it the farthest away from the hole as was possible while staying in the boundaries.  
  
"Well, at least this one didn't go in the water." Selphie said.  
  
Then Selphie hit hers, followed by Irvine, then Rinoa. Everyone got their golf balls into the hole, except Squall, who threw his club and gave up trying to get 'the damn golf ball from hell' into the hole, and they moved on. 'Only 17 more holes to get through.' Squall thought. They reached the next hole, and everyone surveyed it carefully.  
  
"Great. We have to hit it over the water." Zell complained.  
  
"But you're the miniature golf king with your stupidity powers. This should be easy for you." Irvine pointed out.  
  
"It'll be easy for Squall." Quistis added. Squall rolled his eyes.  
  
"Okay, everyone quiet. I need to concentrate." Zell said, and lined up the shot, and started to swing.  
  
"And the king prepares his stupidity powers to cross the water." Irvine whispered.  
  
Halfway through his swing Zell turned to Irvine in annoyance. His ball flew into the air and hit some people at another hole. Zell ducked, and everyone pretended to be surveying the hole.  
  
"Good going Zell." Quistis muttered as Zell wandered over to the stand, bought a hot dog and grabbed another golf ball. She hit the golf ball, and got it over the water and near the hole. She smirked at Zell as he returned. Zell just growled something about 'imminent doom for the cowboy.' It was Squall's turn, so he hit the golf ball. And, as luck would have it, managed to hit the only pole in the area. His golf ball rolled into the water. Squall just shook his head and went to get another one.  
  
"Man, you're really bad at this." Rinoa pointed out. Squall sighed. At least his went in on the fifth stroke. Then proceeded to the next hole. 'Only 16 more holes.'  
  
"Oh yeah! No water." Zell said. He hit the golf ball, then Quistis, Squall, Selphie, Irvine and Rinoa. Everyone clapped when Squall didn't lose his golf ball to the water. No one had made it in yet, and it was Zell's turn. He shot, and missed. Quistis got it in, as did Selphie. Squall missed, and it was Irvine's turn. He smiled, then hit his golf ball at Zell's, which was lined up for a great shot.  
  
"IRVINE!" Zell shouted, and started to punch the nearest tree in annoyance.  
  
"Well, hey, I couldn't get it in, so I decided to at least kill your chances." Irvine said, as though this was the most logical thing in the world. Everyone sighed, and moved on to a tunnel hole. 'Only 15 more.'  
  
The game continued, with Squall losing five golf balls. Irvine and Zell continued to ruin each other's shots, and annoy everyone with their bickering. Finally, Selphie threatened to push them into the water. Zell and Irvine shut up after that, but continued to ruin each other's shots.  
  
Finally, they reached the last hole. They all shot once, then started to hit their second shots. But Rinoa put a little too much effort into her shot, and nearly hit Zell in the head.  
  
"Sorry!" she called. Zell muttered something and hit his golf ball into the hole. Squall stood off to the side as Quistis lined her shot up. But as she swung back, she nearly hit Squall. Now, this was bad enough, but Squall happened to be on the edge of the water. So when he moved backward to avoid the hit, he fell into the water. He pushed upward, and crawled back onto dry land. Everyone giggled, and looked away. Squall was covered in leaves.  
  
"What are you looking at?" he demanded of the nearby golfers. He waved his club at them, and they scurried off.  
  
"Geez, nice look Squall." Irvine said, then clapped a hand over his mouth. Everyone could tell he had gone too far. Squall advanced on him, and tried to hit him with his club. Irvine dodged it, and swung back. Instead he hit Zell, who immediately started to pound him with a combination of punches and swings, letting lose build up tension from the day. When Zell nearly hit Selphie, she started to attack them too. Soon there was an all out war, which everyone else watched with great amusement. After about five minutes Rinoa and Quistis jumped in to separate everyone. Irvine had a black eye, Zell was holding a bloody nose, and Selphie had a nasty bruise on her ankle. Squall alone was uninjured, probably due to his skill with a gunblade.  
  
They reached the end, and were about to leave when the worker approached them. "Want to try the bonus hole? You get a prize if you make it in one." Everyone looked at each other, and shrugged.  
  
"Sure." Selphie answered for them, and they went to the hole. They each tried, but with no luck. "You're turn Squall." Selphie said.  
  
"I'm not going to do it." Squall said.  
  
"Aw, come on." Rinoa said. "Please?"  
  
"Fine." Squall muttered, and shot it half-heartedly. There was a ringing sound, and Squall looked up, surprised.  
  
"You got it in Squall!" Rinoa said, jumping up and hugging him. After she stopped, he turned toward the worker.  
  
"What did I win?"  
  
"Your choice. A free game, or soda."  
  
Squall didn't have to think about it. "The soda." he said.  
  
A/N: So what did you think? This was halfway based on an experience I had at a miniature golf place not too long ago. I hit my golf ball into the water twice and got the highest score (which is bad in golf), but I only nearly fell in the water. Don't worry, we didn't hit any people and we didn't get into golf club fights. And none of us got the bonus hole. That was my artistic license. Please review! 


	4. Need Sleep

Thank you to all the wonderful people who reviewed!  
  
Ashbear: I had always hoped they'd have Irvine and Zell fight more in the game. They're so good at it!  
  
Bembem: Glad you liked it.  
  
Green-eyed Blue Cat: Thank you! (takes bow) I love your fic too!  
  
Ispreno: Thank you kindly!  
  
Happi Froggi: What are you talking about? Oh well, thanks.  
  
Need Sleep.  
  
"Sleep." Zell muttered as he fell out of bed. His alarm was ringing, signaling the day's beginning, but Zell was still tired. He had turned over, trying to turn the alarm off, when he had fallen out of bed. Now he was on the floor, trying to decide the best way to get up.  
  
"Hey Zell! You're late for.Zell?" Selphie had burst in jumping, but stopped in mid jump when she saw him muttering on the floor. "Are you okay?" she asked.  
  
"Fell off bed." he moaned.  
  
"I can see that. Anyway, you need to get ready for the new day. Squall might fire you if you don't get out of bed and down to the cafeteria in fifteen minutes."  
  
"Mxbgrz." Zell muttered, then buried his head in the pillow that had fallen on the floor with him.  
  
"Now, I realized that you were up late last night because you were on a mission, so I told Irvine that he had to come up here and help me drag you down there." she said. She looked back at the doorway, then stuck her head out into the hall. "Hey Irvine, you'd better not be running off!"  
  
Irvine walked in. "Come on, Sefie! Without Zell around I might be able to get a life!"  
  
"Then who are you going to tease? Squall?"  
  
"Trust me, I know better than to try."  
  
"Well then?"  
  
"Okay, okay." he muttered. He walked in, and grabbed Zell's foot.  
  
"Off." he muttered, and grabbed the bed.  
  
"Hey, let go!" Irvine complained as he pulled harder.  
  
"Off." Zell shrieked, and threw a lamp at Irvine.  
  
"Hey, watch it!" Zell just rolled over and grabbed the bed like it was a lifeline away from a dying ship. "Man, you wouldn't think a tired guy would be this strong."  
  
"Just hurry up. We need to get Zell down there!" Selphie said, holding the door open.  
  
"Okay, okay. You pry his fingers off and I'll pull him out the door."  
  
"Sure." Selphie said, then pulled Zell's fingers off the bed as Irvine dragged him toward the door. Zell grumbled and clawed at the floor, but that didn't help, because the floor was made of tile. Irvine dragged him down the hall, across the main area of Balamb Garden and into the cafeteria.  
  
"This is just a thought, but maybe you should have tried hot dogs to get him down here, instead of dragging him around Balamb Garden in this pajamas." Rinoa suggested from where she sat with Quistis.  
  
"Well, we were rushed. We just barely got down here within fifteen minutes." Irvine said. "But we can't let the high and mighty commander know we helped Zell. That might be considered illegal or something."  
  
"Irvine, you sit Zell here, next to my coffee." Quistis said. "The caffeine might wake him up, and at least it will look like Zell was trying to come down here under his own power."  
  
"True." Selphie said, and with some help from Irvine sat him in Quistis' abandoned chair. They barely had time to put a paper in his hands and sit down around him before Squall walked in. Selphie smiled brightly.  
  
"Good morning, Commander!" she said.  
  
"Whatever." he said, and grabbed a cup of coffee. He took a seat at the table where the others were, then looked over at Zell. "Why is he asleep at the table in his pajamas?"  
  
"I guess Zell felt like rebelling." Rinoa said. Squall just shrugged.  
  
"Whatever. Wake him up and tell him to report to the Cid's office in five minutes. He needs to make a report on that mission he was on recently." With that he got up, drained the coffee from his cup, and walked out. The others looked around in dismay.  
  
"We just barely got him out of bed." Selphie complained. "And now he needs to get dressed and report to Cid's office to report on his mission?"  
  
"I guess so." Quistis said. "But doesn't Squall know his mission ran really late last night?"  
  
"Maybe he forgot." Rinoa suggested.  
  
"Maybe he doesn't care." Irvine added.  
  
"Personally, I'm going with the second idea." Selphie said. She looked over at Zell. "Now, how do we wake him up?" She leaned toward him. "HEY ZELL!" she shouted in his ear.  
  
Zell jumped up in the air, looking around wildly, spilling the coffee in front of him all over himself.  
  
"Owww!" he shouted, and started to run around the cafeteria. "Water, water!" he yelled. Rinoa picked up a nearby water pitcher and dumped the contents on him.  
  
"Ahhh." He said, and started to sleep. Selphie rolled her eyes.  
  
"Great. Now what?" she asked. Everyone looked around, confused. Quistis sighed.  
  
"We could always let him teach dressed like that." she said. Irvine grinned.  
  
"Yeah, do that!" he said enthusiastically. Selphie elbowed him in the ribs.  
  
"Stop it! We need to be serious!" she said.  
  
"Okay, okay. But it would be funny, especially if we got a picture of it or something. Actually."  
  
"No Irvine."  
  
He heaved a dramatic sigh. "Okay."  
  
"Let's get back to the Zell problem." Quistis said.  
  
"But we can't solve Zell's hotdog addiction!" Irvine protested. "Ulitmecia couldn't even do that!"  
  
"I meant the issue of Zell running around Garden in his pajamas." Quistis said.  
  
"Oh. I knew that."  
  
"Yeah, right." Selphie said. It was Rinoa's turn to roll her eyes.  
  
"Anyway, moving on." she said, looking at the clock on the cafeteria wall. "We now have ten minutes."  
  
"Great! What are we going to do?!" Selphie asked.  
  
"Oh, let's just drag him back to his room and say he became violently ill." Rinoa said. Because no one could think of anything better, Irvine was once again in charge of dragging Zell to his dorm, while the others went to tell Squall. But just as then entered the center of Garden, the loud speaker clicked on.  
  
"Hello everyone. This is Headmaster Cid. I have recently discovered that there is an Anacondaur lose in Garden. All junior classmen are to be taken to the upper classrooms, and barred in there with all lower cadets. All cadets about to take their tests and the SeeDs are to ready their weapons and start the search for the Anacondaur. No one, repeat no one, is to go anywhere alone. That is all." Irvine, totally ignoring Zell, ran off in the directions the others had taken. Zell, having been suddenly dropped, looked up to see the feet of people rushing around. Having heard nothing of the announcement, he assumed that this was just the before class rush. That's odd, I thought I made it back to my room.oh yeah, Irvine and Selphie attacked me. He slowly pushed himself up, then started to walk back to his room. A passing cadet stopped him.  
  
"Excuse me sir, but are you feeling alright?" the cadet asked.  
  
"Me fine. Tired." he mumbled, then continued his walk.  
  
"Sir, you are aware of the Anacondaur running loose in Garden, right?"  
  
"Yeah.what?!?"  
  
"The Anacondaur, sir."  
  
"No. When this happen?"  
  
"Just a minute ago, sir."  
  
"Thanks." he muttered, then started toward Cid's office. He had just remembered that he needed to report on his mission, plus see if he could get some sort of wake up medicine.  
  
Zell reached the elevator, and started toward it when a shadow loomed in front of him.  
  
+ + +  
  
"Okay, so Quistis and Selphie are going to check the upper level, and Squall and Rinoa will search the lower level." Cid said. "Irvine and Zell will check the MD level when they get here."  
  
"Oh, that's what we came to tell you. Zell isn't feeling so good." Rinoa said.  
  
"He isn't?"  
  
"Well, he was up late on that mission, and he probably ate a ton of hotdogs when he got back." Rinoa said. Squall slapped his forehead.  
  
"Don't do that, Squall, you might get brain trauma." said Selphie. Squall rolled his eyes.  
  
"And if you do that, you might roll your eyes into the back of your head." Rinoa added. Squall looked at the ceiling, obviously fighting the urge to slap his head and roll his eyes.  
  
"Anyway, if Zell can't make it, that's fine. I'll just ask Xu or Nida to go down there with Irvine." Cid said. "Now, all we know about the Anacondaur is that it's loose. A cadet reported seeing the monster five minutes ago. We have no idea how it got in here."  
  
"Hey guys, what did I miss?" Irvine asked as he stepped into the office.  
  
"Irvine, where's Zell?" Selphie asked.  
  
"Around. So what did I miss?"  
  
"Because Zell is ill, you and someone else are going to search the MD level." Cid said.  
  
"Aw, man, I was kind of hoping that because this isn't a major world threatening event I could kind of leave, and finish with my plans."  
  
"What plans?" Selphie asked. Squall had to fight harder to not hit himself or roll his eyes.  
  
"To drive from Dollet to Deling in under two hours."  
  
"You can't do that!" Selphie said.  
  
"Well, I can't now." Squall was starting to loose his mental battle.  
  
"We can discuss this later." Quistis said. "Right now, we need to find the Anacondaur and see where it came from."  
  
"There aren't any Anacondaurs around Balamb. That's what so confusing." Squall said. "But first we need to find and defeat the monster. We can worry about where it came from later."  
  
"It came from Outer Space." Selphie said. They all looked at her. She blushed.  
  
"Sorry, I was just remembering a movie I saw once." she muttered.  
  
"Although she's technically right, what with the Lunar Cry and all." Irvine said.  
  
"Let's discuss this later, okay?" Squall said, really fighting to keep the head slapping and eye rolling under control. Everyone else nodded in agreement, and they started for the elevator.  
  
"Irvine, when you said driving from Dollet to Deling in under two hours, you were aware that speeding is illegal, right?" Selphie said. Squall allowed himself the luxury of a small eye roll, while no one was looking.  
  
"Sure." he said, waving his hand in a dismissive gesture. They all got into the elevator, and pressed the 2 button. A few moments later they stopped, and Selphie and Quistis stepped out. Squall pushed the 1 button, and the elevator doors closed. Selphie and Quistis looked around, then Selphie gasped.  
  
"There it is!" she squealed, pointing down to where the Anacondaur was, hovering over Zell.  
  
+ + +  
  
Zell looked up to see a giant snake-like monster looming over him. He gasped, and fell backward. He looked down at his hands. Damn, I forgot my Ehrgeiz in my dorm! he thought. Well, I guess a quick retreat is in order.  
  
He was about to move away when he noticed that there was another cadet there. This cadet was wielding an eight-foot spear, which made the kid's weapon three feet bigger than him. He charged the Anacondaur, stabbing at it with his spear. The Anacondaur merely looked annoyed as it turned to face this new opponent. It quickly retaliated the blow the cadet had caused, and snapped the tip of the spear off. The cadet looked at his spear, looked at the Anacondaur, looked around him, and discovered that he was backed against the small wall surrounding the elevator, with water on all sides. He came to a quick decision, just the elevator chimed and Squall, Rinoa and Irvine exited it.  
  
The cadet took his spear shaft, backed up, and took a running leap at the wall, trying to pole vault across the water. But he misjudged the landing, and fell into the bushes. He was instantly up, and started to race away toward the cafeteria. The Anacondaur whirled around, and started to attack Zell. But a quick bullet from Irvine's Exeter made it realize that it had far more dangerous prey to worry about. Irvine and Rinoa hit it from afar, while Squall came in close with his Lionheart and started to slash furiously at the level 100 beast. The Anacondaur howled in rage, and proceeded to bite Squall painfully on the arm.  
  
"Damn." Squall muttered, dodging yet another bite from the Anacondaur, as he felt the pain of poison in his arm. He pulled out an antidote, and swallowed it. He immediately felt the poisons burn fade away, and he started back in on the creature.  
  
By this time Selphie and Quistis had joined them, and soon the Anacondaur succumbed to the mighty attacks. They all stopped, weary, and looked around. Zell was asleep by the elevator.  
  
"Man, he must be tired." Quistis said. She sat down herself.  
  
"Who was that freak?" Irvine asked. Quistis smiled and shook her head.  
  
"His name is Jordon Cadmus, and he's in my class."  
  
"That guy is just sad." Selphie said. "I mean, who ever heard of pole- vaulting across Balamb Garden?"  
  
"Actually, a couple weeks back, I gave my students an assignment where they had to fill out a form about their personality, and things like that. Cadmus wrote that the thing he wanted to do most in life was to pole-vault over important places in every city."  
  
"That kid has issues." Selphie said.  
  
Rinoa smiled. "Yeah, but hey, don't we all?"  
  
A/N: Wow, another chapter done! I am on a role! Please, keep those reviews coming. Suggestions, ideas, problems, praise, anything. I live off of reviews, so please keep sending them. 


	5. This was supposed to be fifteen minutes

This was supposed to be fifteen minutes.  
  
The next two chapters will be Thanksgiving based, because of the upcoming holiday. Also, reviewer replies have been moved to the end.  
  
Rinoa looked around the cafeteria for her friends. She finally spotted them in a corner, talking. She walked over. They looked up as she neared them.  
  
"Hi guys!" she said brightly.  
  
"Hello Rinoa." Squall said.  
  
"Guess what Cid and Edea told me." Rinoa said.  
  
"What?" he asked.  
  
"Guess!" she repeated.  
  
"." He looked back at his drink.  
  
"I wanna guess! I wanna guess!" Selphie said, waving her hand energetically in the air. "Pick me, pick me!"  
  
"Um, okay." Rinoa said, looking nervously at the obviously hyper girl. The King sized candy bars in front of her explained a lot.  
  
"I guess that they told us to take a vacation."  
  
"Nope. They said-"  
  
"Oh, I know what it is now! They said the Garden Festival looks great."  
  
"Actually-"  
  
"They told us to go to a llama petting zoo!"  
  
"Selphie, let Rinoa speak." Squall said.  
  
"Okay, fine." Selphie pouted. Rinoa shot Squall a grateful look.  
  
"Cid and Edea wants us to meet them at a nice restaurant Esthar for Thanksgiving dinner in a couple hours. I thought we should all go to the dorms and get ready now."  
  
"Today? Can it be tomorrow?" Irvine asked.  
  
"Irvine, you can't change the day Thanksgiving is on." Rinoa said.  
  
"Its Thanksgiving?" Squall said, surprised.  
  
"Why do you want to go another time Irvine?" asked Zell.  
  
"Because I was going to go from Deling to Dollet today."  
  
"I told you, you can't do that!" Selphie said in annoyance.  
  
"Well, I admit the record will be hard to beat, but I figure if I get a time when the trains won't hold me up."  
  
"Irvine, shut up." Selphie said. "Rinoa, tell Cid and Edea Irvine and I would love to come."  
  
"I can't." Quistis said glumly. "I need to stay here for a class trip."  
  
"Yeah, I can't go either." Zell said, although he didn't look too upset about it.  
  
"Why not?" Irvine asked curiously, with a smirk on his face.  
  
"Because I need to.visit my mom!"  
  
"No really, why?"  
  
"I told you! I need to visit my mom!"  
  
" Do you have a date?" Irvine asked.  
  
"No!" Zell said, his face turning a violent red.  
  
"Who is it, that librarian? Isn't her name Melissa or something?"  
  
"Her name is Melissa, but I don't have a date!" He was, if possible, turning redder.  
  
"Have a good time." Selphie said. Zell ran out of the room.  
  
"My class starts, so I'll see you later. Extend my apologies to Cid and Edea, and apologize for Zell too." Quistis said, and left the room. Rinoa turned to the others.  
  
"So, are you coming too, Squall?"  
  
"Sure." he muttered.  
  
"Great! Garden is stopped near Esthar, so Nida said he would let us off here." Rinoa said. "Cid and Edea went on ahead so they could reserve a table."  
  
"Well, let's get going!" Selphie said, jumping up and running toward the dorms. Squall, Rinoa and Irvine followed.  
  
After they changed they went to the parking lot they looked around. There were no cars left, not even any armored cars, and Garden was going to stop in five minutes. They were about to leave to find Nida when a voice called them.  
  
"Wait up!" They turned around to see Quistis standing there.  
  
"They cancelled the trip because it's Thanksgiving." Quistis explained.  
  
"Great, but there aren't any cars left." said Squall.  
  
"That's okay. I have a car," said Quistis.  
  
"I want to drive!" Selphie said. Squall resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Selphie driving them anywhere wasn't high on his list of things to do.  
  
"Thanks Quistis!" said Rinoa, clapping her hands excitedly. "Where is it?"  
  
"Near the front gate."  
  
"Okay then, let's go!" she said, and they all walked to the front gate. Once there they piled into the car. Irvine convinced Quistis to let him drive, Selphie sat up front, with Rinoa, Squall and Quistis in the back. When Garden stopped they drove out, and toward the bright city of Esthar.  
  
"Does anyone know where we're going?" Irvine asked.  
  
"I have the instructions Rinoa gave me right here! According to this, the trip should take us fifteen minutes tops." Selphie said, waving the instructions around. There was silence for a few moments as they entered Esthar.  
  
"Where are we supposed to go, Sefie?" Irvine asked. Selphie looked down at the paper with the instructions on it.  
  
"It says to go to the center of the city."  
  
"How do we get there?" he asked.  
  
"I have no idea. The instructions don't say anything about how to get there, it just says 'go to the center of the city, then turn right at a white bowling alley.' It doesn't say how to get to the center."  
  
"Well, let's just try going this way." Irvine said, and they started off down a random road.  
  
"Can you please turn on the radio?" Rinoa called from the backseat.  
  
"Okay." Selphie said, and started pushing and turning random buttons.  
  
"Um, it's the big red button, Selphie." Quistis said.  
  
"Thanks." Selphie said, and pushed it. A loud rock and roll song blasted from the speakers.  
  
"Turn it down!" Squall shouted over the noise, covering his ears to protect them from permanent damage. Irvine and Selphie both reached over and started to fiddle with the buttons. All that happened was the music changed from rock and roll to country to waltz and back to rock.  
  
"It's the knob under the red button!" Quistis yelled. Irvine turned it, and the volume level decreased. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
"Whoa, that was loud. How do you stand it, Quistis?" Rinoa asked.  
  
"Actually, Selphie turned the volume up when she was messing with the buttons." Quistis said.  
  
"Oh." There was silence as they listened to the rock song, and the two more that followed.  
  
"We're going in circles." Squall said after several minutes.  
  
"How can you tell?" Quistis asked.  
  
"We've passed 'Uncle Bill's Pizza and Cheesecake' place four times already. This is the fifth." Since it was hard to argue with that logic, everyone agreed that they were lost.  
  
"How do we know we've reached the center anyway?" Rinoa asked.  
  
"When we see the white bowling place, I would assume." Selphie said. "So everyone look for a white bowling place." After thirty minutes, however, it appeared that they we're going to find it.  
  
"Maybe it's an invisible white bowling place." Selphie suggested, grinning.  
  
"Then if we drive on the side of the road, we should hit it." Rinoa reasoned, also grinning.  
  
"Okay." Irvine said, and pretended to pull off to the side. Everyone (with the exception of Squall) shrieked.  
  
"That wasn't very funny," Quistis said.  
  
"Sure it was." Irvine said. He looked over at a place they were passing, covered in neon lights. "Man, that was great bar." he commented. "I remember the time I went there with some friends, a long time ago, I had so much fun. We all got really drunk, so the next part was a blur, but I remember we got into this huge fight with some other guys, and they started throwing up because my one friend punched them too hard. Then-"  
  
"Irvine, shut up." Quistis said, banging her head against the seat in front of her. Squall appeared to be drifting off to sleep against the window.  
  
"Irvine, that friend was Zell, and this took place three days ago." Selphie said, glaring.  
  
"Oh yeah. I remember now. So you were the one I called for bail? I couldn't remember."  
  
"Yeah, and that cost me 2000 gil. You owe me."  
  
"Okay, your most high and mighty highness." Irvine said, giving her a head bow. Selphie giggled, then looked back out the window.  
  
"That bowling place has to be around here somewhere." she muttered.  
  
"Let's just stop and ask for directions." Squall suggested.  
  
"We might as well. This is boring." Quistis complained. Irvine pulled off the road at a gas station.  
  
"Wait here." he said, and walked inside. Five minutes later, he was back.  
  
"Okay, good news and bad news. This is the center of the city, and the white bowling alley is closed for repairs. The attendant said it's covered in graffiti, and it's near the 'Uncle Bill's Pizza and Cheesecake' place."  
  
"We passed that sign, and that place, five times!" Rinoa complained, looking annoyed.  
  
"I know. I wonder how old these instructions are." Irvine said as he climbed into the car. "Next stop, the pizza place." He pulled back onto the road, and drove back toward Uncle Bill's again. Once there they turned right.  
  
"Where do we go next?" Irvine asked.  
  
"The instructions say to go about two miles, then turn left onto Road 334."  
  
"They sure have creative names here."  
  
"Yeah." They drove the two miles in silence, until they turned onto Road 334.  
  
"What place are we looking for?" Squall asked.  
  
"A restaurant called The Golden Cactaur." Selphie replied.  
  
"Now that is an interesting name." Irvine said.  
  
"Just keep driving. I can't wait to stretch my legs." Rinoa said. "I hate staying in one place for a long time."  
  
"At least Zell isn't here." Quistis said. "He can never sit still."  
  
"There it is!" Selphie squealed excitedly. Everyone looked over at the building with the giant sign announcing, 'The Golden Cactaur'.  
  
Thank you, reviewers!  
  
Ispreno: I try to make people laugh, I really do. Glad you still like the story.  
  
Da punked-out gym bunny: That's a cool original name, I like it. Those were some really long reviews, especially the one for chapter 2. But don't get me wrong, long reviews and comments are appreciated. If I ever get around to revising this story, I will definitely use some of your suggestions.  
  
Green-eyed Blue Cat: Thank you, thank you! Um, hope your head re-attaches itself. 


	6. At the Golden Cactaur

At the Golden Cactaur  
  
"We finally made it." Squall said as he stepped out of the car.  
  
"Yeah, I know. Thank Hyne." Rinoa said, as she followed him out of the car, stretching.  
  
"I'm starved!" Irvine said, leading the way up the sweeping stairs, and through the glass doors. They stopped just inside, admiring the view.  
  
The room before them was about as tall as Garden's foyer. An enormous white marble fountain stood in the center, with a giant golden cactaur at the top (hence the name), surrounded by a jungle of colorful flowers of every size and shape. Huge windows gave excellent views of Esthar, and the plains could be seen in the distance. Chandeliers hung from the ceiling, and musicians performed live in one corner. Beautiful potted trees were placed all around the walls, and there were exquisite oil paintings higher up on the walls. There were green and gold coverings everywhere. They walked over to the front desk, still surprised by what they saw.  
  
"When Edea said this was a nice restaurant, I didn't think she meant like this." Rinoa whispered to Squall, who nodded. From the words Rinoa had used, he hadn't expected this either. Quistis spoke to the man at the desk.  
  
"We're supposed to meet our friends Cid and Edea here. Do you know which table they're at?"  
  
"One moment, madam." the man said, and looked through his guest book. "Ah, right this way." He walked off to the right, and they followed him.  
  
Cid and Edea looked up as they sat down and pulled out the menus to look at. "So you made it." Cid commented.  
  
"Well, your instructions didn't help, sir." Squall said.  
  
"Yeah! That bowling alley was being repaired." Rinoa added.  
  
"Sorry about that. We only noticed on our way here. It has been quite awhile since we were here." At that moment, a waiter came over.  
  
"Are you ready to order?" he asked.  
  
"We are." said Cid. "I'll have the combo platter. And bring us a platter of appetizers."  
  
"I'll have the combo platter too." Edea added.  
  
"I would like a Mesmerize steak, medium rare." Selphie said, after quickly scanning the menu.  
  
"I'll just have a salad." Quistis said.  
  
"Marinated Malboro tentacles with mushrooms and peppers, hold the onions." Irvine said.  
  
"One Cockatrice stew, please." added Rinoa.  
  
"Adamantoise stir fry." said Squall.  
  
"Very good." the waiter said, and walked off.  
  
"You should try this wine we got while waiting for you." Edea said, gesturing toward a bottle sitting at the end of the table. "I've had some, and it's quite good."  
  
Everyone filled their glasses, and generally agreed it tasted good.  
  
"Excuse me for a moment." Irvine said, standing up. "I'll be back."  
  
"Where are you going?" Selphie asked.  
  
"Where do you think?" he retorted, then walked away.  
  
"Why is this called the Golden Cactaur?" Squall asked.  
  
"I don't really know." Edea admitted.  
  
"Neither do I." added Cid.  
  
Suddenly, there was a crash behind them. They whirled around to see Irvine guiltily standing near a fallen tree. He was flushed a brilliant red.  
  
"Sorry." he muttered, and quickly fled back to their table. Unfortunately, in his haste, he tripped over another patron's chair, and went sprawling onto the floor. He swiftly jumped up. The miffed woman, who was seated in the chair, looked at him in annoyance.  
  
"Madam, I extend my apologies." he said, flashing her a roguish grin, which quickly withered under the intensity of the woman's glare. "I'll.be going now." he informed her, and hastily yet carefully retreated to the table where the others had watched the unfolding drama with amusement.  
  
"Real smooth, Irvine." Rinoa said, smiling, as he sat down heavily in his chair and tried to shrink under the table.  
  
"It's not funny." he complained.  
  
"Yes, it is." Quistis replied, trying, and failing, to keep the wide grin off her face.  
  
"It was hysterical." Selphie added.  
  
"Extremely humorous. That was the display of a true SeeD. Shall we put it in the SeeD manual?" Squall deadpanned, although his eyes glinted with amusement. Everyone, even Irvine, laughed.  
  
"Let's put it under the heading, 'What to do in front of foreign dignitaries'." Quistis suggested.  
  
"And have full color photos. I took some, you know." Selphie said, holding up her camera.  
  
"Hey, give me those!" Irvine demanded, making a grab for them. Selphie backed up, and accidentally hit her full glass. The contents splashed into Rinoa's face.  
  
"Sorry about that, Rinoa." Selphie said, passing her some napkins.  
  
"It's alright. Just give me a moment." she said, and left the table. They all sat there in silence for a while.  
  
"So, thanks for inviting us." Quistis said.  
  
"Yeah, it has been.an interesting time so far." Selphie added.  
  
"You're welcome." Cid said. Rinoa came back to the table. Her face was cleared, and you couldn't tell she had gotten wine in her face. The waiter appeared with some appetizers. They thanked him, and sat there in silence, savoring the delicious food.  
  
"This is really good." Rinoa commented.  
  
"Better than the cafeteria food." Squall said.  
  
"Well, really anything is better than cafeteria food. That stuff bounces." Selphie complained.  
  
"The hotdogs are good though, as Zell could tell you." Irvine interjected.  
  
"I wonder how his 'date' is going." Quistis wondered.  
  
"I hope they don't have some of the mishaps we've had." Rinoa said.  
  
"At least they won't get lost." Edea said, smiling.  
  
"Thank Hyne for small mercies." muttered Squall.  
  
Selphie stretched. "Well, after all of this, I think I'll just kick back and.ahhh!" Everyone looked over at her, alarmed.  
  
When she had stretched, she had hit a waiter, who had dropped the food. Unfortunately, the food was some kind of meat that was still on fire.  
  
"Fire!" shouted Cid, as he jumped up to try and tried to stop the spread of the flames by pouring the remaining wine on it. There was no effect. The fire alarms went off, and water started to spray from the ceiling. The other patrons shrieked, and started running for the exits. They all looked at each other, and started to hurry out as well. However, the floors were marble, thus when the water collected on them they became very slippy. As they were running Quistis fell, landed on some discarded food, and knocked Squall and Rinoa over. Right into the fountain. They both surfaced, spluttering in the frigid water. The others helped them out, and together they all made their way out of the building.  
  
Cid and Edea, surprisingly enough, looked pretty good, other than being a little wet. They all said goodbye, then Cid and Edea left for their car, while the others went to Quistis'.  
  
As they approached it, they noticed a police officer near the car, with a tow truck attached to the car.  
  
"Excuse me, is there a problem?" Quistis asked.  
  
"Is this your car?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"It's illegally parked. We're going to have to tow it."  
  
"What?! But how will we get home?!" Irvine demanded. The officer looked bored.  
  
"That's not my problem." he said, and drove away, with the car in tow. All they could do was stare at the retreating car.  
  
"Now how do we get home?" complained Rinoa.  
  
"Does anyone have any money?" Selphie asked.  
  
"No." they all said.  
  
"Well, we can't get a taxi without money, so we'll just have to ride one of those elevator-car things to the outskirts, then walk to Garden."  
  
"Without weapons? What if we're attacked?" asked Squall.  
  
"It's either take that risk or spend the night somewhere on the street."  
  
"Or.we could go see Laguna. He should have a car." suggested Rinoa.  
  
"Why?" Squall asked. "He's a moron."  
  
"Do you have a better idea?"  
  
"No." he admitted.  
  
"Then we get to go to see Laguna. He'll give us a car, then we can drive back to Garden, okay?" Rinoa said.  
  
"Fine." Squall muttered, and went to the nearest transport. Rinoa and Quistis got on with him, while Irvine and Selphie waited for the next one.  
  
"The presidential palace." Squall said, and the car sped off to the towering building in the distance. When they arrived, they waited at the door for Selphie and Irvine. After they had joined them, Squall knocked on the door.  
  
Hiya! With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I wanted to do a few chapters based on it. It's a five-day weekend! (at this point the author dances around, doing an imitation of the Selphie happy dance) And once again, I must thank all of you who have continued to review my story. Really, I'm shocked at all the reviews. I can never thank you enough! Have a Happy Thanksgiving! 


	7. The Presidential Palace

A/N: I reloaded this chapter, because Zell anonymously appears. A special thank you to Evan'sRinoa to pointing this out.  
  
The Presidential Palace  
  
A camera/speaker set poked out of the door. "Yes?" a familiar voice asked.  
  
"Hello Kiros. It's Squall. Our car got towed, and we wanted to know if Laguna could lend us one."  
  
"Hey Squall! Sure, that should be okay. Come right on in!" he said brightly, and the door opened. Squall walked in, and the others followed. Kiros turned to them as they stopped in a hallway.  
  
"Wait here." he said, and walked into a room off to the side. Squall turned his head to look at the view of Esthar the windows offered.  
  
"Hey Squall! Long time, no see!" said a cheerful voice. Squall looked toward the speaker, an older man with long brown hair.  
  
"Hello Laguna." Squall said, nodding at the older man. Laguna waved enthusiastically at the others.  
  
"Glad to see you guys as well. How are the rest of you doing?" he asked.  
  
"Fine." Selphie answered. Everyone else echoed the same.  
  
"Glad to hear. So, why are you here? Oh, don't tell me, I already know."  
  
"You do?" Squall repeated, surprised. Usually Laguna wasn't that perceptive.  
  
"You came to see my new trophy display!"  
  
.and he still wasn't perceptive. "Actually." Squall began.  
  
"Well, you're just in time. I was about to lock up the room, but I'll leave it open for you!" he quickly ushered them upstairs. They tried to stop, but Laguna pushed them into a room full of oddly shaped trophies, all on a spinning stage in one corner of the room. They were pushed (literally) into seat in front of the stage. Laguna locked the door (his reasoning was he didn't want anyone to steal the trophies while he was displaying them), the stood behind a podium at the front of the room.  
  
"Let the tour begin!" Laguna said, picking up a microphone. "Today's tour begins with the stunning 'Chicken eating contest' trophy. I remember that day. The sun was out, there were no clouds, and a huge pile of chicken was in the middle of the table." he began, in a bored tour guide voice.  
  
"Laguna, we really needed to ask you something." Quistis tried, but Laguna cut her off.  
  
"Now, now, questions at the end of the tour please." he said, then launched into a description of the chicken eating contest. Then they listened all about the gun shooting contest, the five mile running race (which he quit after five minutes, and drove a car), the Mesmerize race trophies and the 'Find the biggest Chocobo' scavenger hunt. Squall had had enough. He started to stand up, but Rinoa pulled him back down.  
  
"Where are you going?" she hissed.  
  
"No car is worth this torture. There is walking the many miles to Garden, and listening to this. I choose the lesser of the two evils." he said, and started to stand up again. Rinoa pulled him back down.  
  
"You're not going anywhere." she told him. "It would be polite to stay here a listen."  
  
"Rinoa, I'm bored, Irvine is asleep, Selphie's bouncing up and down and Quistis has the same look on her face that she has when people give forty- five minute reports instead of fifteen minute ones. Please, can't I just go?"  
  
"He'd bound to wrap it up in the next five minutes. We'll leave when he's done."  
  
"And this is a picture of the Chocobo I found. It was eleven feet, eight inches, and weighed-" Laguna's voice broke into their private conversation.  
  
"Fine, but get comfortable." Squall muttered, and sat back to watch the performance. Fifty minutes later, he was done. The enthusiastic applause that followed definitely wasn't them commenting on the performance. Well, Selphie's might have been.  
  
"Thanks for the...interesting show, Laguna." Rinoa said, trying to be polite.  
  
"Yes. It was...informative." Quistis said.  
  
"Whatever. Look, Laguna, we really need a car to get back to Garden before dark..." began Squall, standing up. Everyone else followed suit.  
  
"Why get back before dark? You can just stay here!" Laguna said happily. Squall looked as though that was the last thing he wanted to do.  
  
"Sure!" Selphie said, before anyone could stop her.  
  
"That is so cool! This will be like a sleepover!" Laguna started to race out of the room, but stopped just before he reached the door. "I'll get someone to show you to some of the spare rooms. Then we can watch a movie! I have a great one, In Search of the Brown T-Rexaur!"  
  
"Laguna, they're normally brown." Irvine pointed out. But Laguna waved his hand, dismissing the irrelevant piece of information, and raced away. As soon as he was gone, they turned as one toward Selphie.  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
"Why did you have to do that?!" Irvine demanded.  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Say we'll stay!" Irvine lowered his voice a bit. "He's crazy."  
  
"You're just bias against happy people!"  
  
"We let you stick around."  
  
"Anyway, so what?" Selphie knew she couldn't argue that point. "It's just the evening, and with that much energy, he has to have an early bedtime."  
  
"He'd better." Squall muttered. "The only reason I'm staying is for the 'public relations' between Garden and Esthar."  
  
"Hyne forbid you shouldn't do your job." scoffed Rinoa.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"We all came out to have some fun, personal time. Which reminds me, I'm hungry. I wonder where we go for food in this place?"  
  
"I hope they have hot dogs!" Irvine said, grinning. "Then I can tease Zell!" Quistis looked skyward and sighed.  
  
"Let's have an exploration game to find the kitchen!" Selphie said excitedly. "Onward march!" she said, and marched to the door. Everyone else followed at a sedated (and saner) pace. They met Ward outside the door.  
  
"Where's the kitchen?" asked Quistis. Ward pointed down the corridor.  
  
"Specifically where?" she asked. Ward merely raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Oh Hyne, I forgot you can't speak. Sorry." she said. Ward smiled, and walked on. They walked the way Ward had pointed, hoping they met someone other than Laguna to show them the kitchen. Unfortunately, fate (or in this case, the author) decided their wish wasn't to be.  
  
"There you guys are! Ward said you came this way!" called a bright voice from behind them. Everyone (even Selphie) rolled their eyes, and turned around.  
  
"Ward can't speak." Irvine said, confused.  
  
"Well, he generally pointed. You know what I mean."  
  
"Where's the kitchen?" asked Quistis.  
  
"Why are you asking about the kitchen? Do you have a weird tradition where you inspect your host's kitchen?"  
  
"No, we're hungry." explained Rinoa patiently.  
  
"Oh, I get it!" Laguna said. "I'd show you, but I have to find my movie. Just go that way, then turn at the first right. Or was it the first left? Well, one of those two!" And with that he literally bounded off, leaving a confused party of people behind him.  
  
"Go where?" Quistis asked.  
  
"That way, I think." Selphie said. They walked the way Selphie had pointed, and eventually found the kitchen.  
  
"Finally! What's in here?" Selphie said enthusiastically. She looked in the freezer.  
  
"Cereal, burritos and ice cream!" she said in a singing voice.  
  
"Cereal?" asked Quistis, confused.  
  
"Cereal." confirmed Selphie. She pulled out some Cheerios to prove her point. "And this refrigerator has milk and applesauce.  
  
"Wow, never heard of that before." Irvine said. He looked in a pantry. "This sure is well stocked. I've found peanut butter, bread and Easy Mac."  
  
"Just two things? How is that well stocked?" asked Squall.  
  
"There's a lot of peanut butter and bread. About half of this is devoted to peanut butter, and the rest to bread and Easy Mac."  
  
"Whatever." muttered Squall, unimpressed. A search of the rest of the kitchen revealed some plates, silverware and napkins, plus cups. Everyone got some of what they wanted to eat from the limited rations, and started to eat.  
  
"Ew, macaroni and applesauce. That's disgusting, Irvine." Selphie said, as she watched him spoon huge mouthfuls of the offensive substance into his mouth.  
  
"Not nearly as nasty as a peanut butter sandwich with Cheerios in a burrito."  
  
"It tastes better than your noxious substance." Selphie said, rolling her eyes skyward, much as Quistis had already done.  
  
"Wow, that's a big word. I'm impressed, Selphie." said Quistis, smiling. Selphie just sighed, and threw Cheerios at both of them.  
  
"Don't make me separate you three. I might have to make you sit a children's table." warned Squall. Every giggled, which wasn't great for Irvine, who was taking a drink of milk. Fortunately for Selphie, who was across from him, he managed to swallow. Laguna chose that time to make his reappearance.  
  
"Great, you found this place okay! No need to move anything."  
  
"For what? The movie?" asked Selphie.  
  
"Couldn't find it, so I found a great substitute. A dart game!" He held up the pieces of a dartboard, complete with darts. Squall couldn't take anymore, and nearly exploded before he remembered the politics of this particular situation. He decided to try a different tactic.  
  
"I feel ill, and I'm tired. I'm just going to bed." Squall said. "And don't worry, I won't take any of you from this interesting dart game. I'll get part of the staff to show me a room."  
  
"Hope you feel better!" Laguana called to Squall as he walked out and asked a passing aide to show him to a room.  
  
"Meanie." muttered Rinoa to the others. They nodded in agreement as Laguna turned to them.  
  
"I call blue!" he shouted.  
  
+ + +  
  
The next morning when Squall came down, he was greeted by the glares of his five companions.  
  
"Yes?" he asked, confused.  
  
"How...dare...you...leave...us...lone...during...that...game." Rinoa said, glaring daggers. Man, if looks could kill, Squall would be dead five times.  
  
"It couldn't have been that bad." Squall said.  
  
"Oh yes, it was." Irvine said. First, he nearly hit me five times, claiming my hat looked like the target."  
  
"Well, that isn't much..." began Squall, but Rinoa cut him off.  
  
"And then, one of Laguna's many stray dart went out the window, which caused the alarms to go off. The room was sealed, and the water sprinklers became convinced there was a fire, and went off."  
  
"It took them twenty minutes to fix the system." Quistis muttered, taking a sip of her coffee.  
  
"I want revenge!" Selphie said, jumping up and down.  
  
"Hey, you're all up! Just in time for me to make breakfast!" said an overly cheerful voice. Everyone visible shuddered, although Laguna was oblivious to that little fact. He pulled out some peanut butter, Cheerios, bread, applesauce and Easy Mac.  
  
"This might not be too bad." Rinoa suggested. Laguna poured the applesauce, Easy Mac and Cheerios into a saucepan. "I stand corrected."  
  
Soon a vile aroma filled the kitchen, and they all covered their noses. Quistis was looking very green. "Here you guys go!" he said brightly, plopping some of the unidentifiable substance onto seven plates. He passed everyone a plate, put his at an empty space, and started to make some toast. He put the peanut butter on it, and passed some around. Irvine looked dubiously at the concoction Laguna had made. He put a bite in his mouth.  
  
"Eek!" he hissed. "Water, please!" He started to grab water from everyone, swallowing it. After about twelve glasses, the purple faded from his face.  
  
"How was it?" Selphie asked.  
  
"Nasty." Irvine said. Fortunately, there was nothing wrong with the toast, and the filled up on that. Laguna walked out of the room, and they got their chance to throw the Cheerio/Easy Mac/applesauce concoction away.  
  
"Well, you guys probably need to get back to Garden." Laguna said. Everyone perked up considerably. "So I got my car ready. Hope in, and we'll leave."  
  
"We?" asked Zell, hoping he had heard wrong.  
  
"Well, I'm driving my car! And you get the personal tour. Oh, you didn't get the personal Presidential Palace tour. Silly me. Who's up for it?" he asked. Irvine grinned evily.  
  
"Squall was just saying he wanted to know all about the palace," he said, shooting Squall a grin. Squall scowled.  
  
"Excellent!" He grabbed Squall's hand, and pulled him out of the room. After they had left, everyone burst out laughing.  
  
"REVENGE!" Selphie said happily, jumping up and down again. They all sat there, eating toast, waiting for them to return. An alarm went off, and they showed up five minutes later, seriously wet.  
  
"Laguna was just showing me how to play darts." he explained. Everyone grinned, and they followed Laguna to the palace car garage, where they piled into a minivan.  
  
"Great." muttered Squall as he was crammed into the back with Rinoa. "He's the president of Esthar, a very powerful and high tech city, and he drives a minivan?" Rinoa giggled. Selphie and Irvine looked back at them from their second-row seats.  
  
"What?" asked Selphie. Rinoa repeated the observation, and they grinned too.  
  
"They needed the extra safety." explained Irvine, which made them laugh harder.  
  
"Hang on, there's a yellow light ahead." (A/N: I didn't see traffic lights in Esthar, but they had cars there, so they would probably need them. This is where my artistic license comes into play. For now, there are lights.) Laguna stepped onto the gas, and they shot ahead. They turned sharply, and nearly fell off the edge. Rinoa, Selphie and Irvine screeched.  
  
"Nice voice, Irvine." Squall taunted.  
  
"Shut up." he muttered. After many such random bursts of speed, and an entire personal speech about every single thing Laguna had ever done in Esthar, Squall was quelling the urge to kill someone, preferable Laguna or Irvine. Soon they were out in the open plains of Esthar, and the great structure of Balamb Garden loomed in the distance. They all breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, this nightmare was almost over.  
  
They pulled into the parking lot, and everyone quickly jumped out, nearly trampling Irvine in the process. Laguna tried to start the car, but it merely sputtered and died.  
  
"Great. Looks like I'm stuck here." he said, jumping out. Squall quickly interceded, for the sake of their sanity.  
  
"Irvine would be glad to escort you back in a SeeD car." Squall said, pointing to a nearby car.  
  
"I would?" Irvine asked.  
  
"That's an order, Irvine." Squall said as Laguna thanked him and jumped in. "Never, ever make me go on a tour with Laguna again. Never try to seek revenge, because I can make you pull guard duty until you're sixty, understood?"  
  
Irvine gulped. "Yes sir." he muttered, and jumped into the car.  
  
Thank you, kind reviewers! I couldn't get this far without you. And now, I must thank all of you personally:  
  
Ispreno: The food? What do you mean? But hey, thanks for all the reviews! You're one of the few reviewers who has reviewed every single chapter, and that means a lot. I extend a personal thank you to you *claps*.  
  
Verdanii: Thanks for all the reviews! Um, ffoofofun fun funfufufufunf? Wow, um, yeah. Glad you liked my story! When are you updating your story? It was great! You also reviewed all the chapters, thank you! *claps again* And about a Seiftis, I'm going to begin one today, and post it before Christmas, so keep an eye out! 


	8. Garden Square

Garden Square  
  
Selphie was bored. Nothing exciting was happening. Just class and more class for the cadets, with nothing for the SeeDs to do. She looked over at the clock. It was 1200 hours. There was something important about that time.what was it again.oh yes! That was when the majority of the people in Balamb Garden got onto the online chat room called Garden Square. She smiled. It was always fun to see what everyone had to say. She jumped in front of her computer, and logged on.  
  
[User 'Selphie' has logged on. Logged on friends for 'Selphie' are 'Z.D.', 'Almasy' and 'Irvine K.]  
  
Does anyone know when the hotdogs are coming?  
Z.D  
  
I think sometime next week.  
J.C.  
  
We need to wait that long?! Oh well, thanks!  
Z.D  
  
Sure.  
J.C.  
  
Hello, Z.D.  
Selphie  
  
Oh, hey there! Did you here the !*@#$* news?!?!  
Z.D.  
  
Yeah. Mega super duper bummer for you, man.  
Selphie  
  
But they still have tofu dogs, just for you.  
Irvine K.  
  
Hey! That wasn't very damn nice!  
Z.D.  
  
Watch your language, chicken-wuss.  
Almasy  
  
What are you doing on here? I thought Cid banned you!  
Z.D.  
  
There are ways around Cid's bans.  
Almasy  
  
How the hell did you know who I am?  
Z.D.  
  
Well, for a while I didn't. Until you started talking about hotdogs. Then I pretty much figured it out.  
Almasy  
  
Damn. Maybe I should work on that.  
Z.D.  
  
Plus your mental issues.  
Irvine K.  
  
Why you.!  
Z.D.  
  
Once again, watch your language. Or I'll have to report you.  
Almasy  
  
Yeah, yeah.  
Z.D.  
  
Hey guys, what's the latest news?  
Selphie  
  
THE HOTDOGS ARE GONE! AHHHHHHHHH!  
Z.D.  
  
Yes Zell, we know. But besides that.  
Selphie  
  
I heard that Galbadia is pretty much broke.  
Irvine K.  
  
Yeah, that's what happens when you're in a war.  
Z.D.  
  
Let's move on now.  
Almasy  
  
Oh, yeah, sorry. I heard that the Trepies are gathering to celebrate the 'rise of a great leader'. Basically, the day she became an instructor.  
Selphie  
  
That is the lamest thing I have ever heard!  
Almasy  
  
That is pretty dumb. Is this a public event?  
Irvine K.  
  
No. Why, do you want to go?  
Selphie  
  
No way! I was just curious. This doesn't sound like something the Garden Faculty or even Cid would normally permit.  
Irvine K.  
  
[User 'R.H.' has logged on.]  
  
What doesn't?  
R.H.  
  
Hey there! We're just talking about the rumor about that Trepie gathering.  
Z.D.  
  
Oh yeah, I heard that. Is it true?  
R.H.  
  
As far as I can tell.  
Selphie  
  
When is it? I need to catch someone breaking Garden rules.  
Almasy  
  
Supposedly at 1900 hours, in a crawl space under the ballroom.  
Selphie  
  
Why there?  
R.H.  
  
To be 'closer to the place where a legend was given teaching credentials' or something like that.  
Selphie  
  
Sounds stupid.  
Almasy  
  
[User 'S.L.' has logged on.]  
  
What does?  
S.L.  
  
Oh, you finally decided to log on?  
Irvine K.  
  
...What sounds stupid?  
S.L.  
  
You.  
Almasy  
  
Weren't you banned from Garden Square?  
S.L.  
  
Like I said before, there are ways around those bans.  
Almasy  
  
So what other news is out there?  
Selphie  
  
(At this point in time there is a long pause, while all the people involved in this 'conversation' consider if there is any news or rumors they want to share.)  
  
[User 'Quistis Trepe' has logged on.]  
  
Hello!  
Quistis Trepe  
  
Did you hear about the Trepies?  
Irvine K.  
  
Oh Hyne yes. This is getting out of hand.  
Quistis Trepe  
  
No kidding. It was weird when they started a group called the 'Trepies', but to go as far as to celebrate the day you became an instructor...  
Z.D.  
  
It's almost as stupid as you.  
Irvine K.  
  
WHAT?!?!  
Z.D.  
  
It's almost as stupid as you.  
Irvine K.  
  
Guys, not again.  
R.H.  
  
I'm not the genius that teased Squall when he fell in the water.  
  
Z.D.  
  
No more miniature golf.  
S.L.  
  
HEY! Stupid moron kid.  
Irvine K.  
  
Don't worry, we know.  
Selphie  
  
You're a loser with a loser gun!  
  
Z.D.  
  
You guys went miniture golfing?!?! Ha!  
Almasy  
  
You punch like a shrimp!  
Irvine K.  
  
Selphie won tickets, so we decided to go. But never again.  
R.H.  
  
I don't think the manager would let us back, even if we wanted to go.  
Quistis Trepe  
  
A shrimp?! If I'm a shrimp, you're a butterfly!  
Z.D.  
  
What exactly happened?  
  
Almasy  
  
I'm not a butterfly!  
  
Irvine K.  
  
Better to ask what didn't happen! Golf club fights, falling, hitting, pain.  
Selphie  
  
You are too! You're Butterfly Boy!  
Z.D.  
  
Then you're Shrimpy!  
Irvine K.  
  
What are you two arguing about now?  
R.H.  
  
Zell called me Butterfly Boy!  
  
Irvine K.  
  
Irvine called me Shrimpy!  
  
Z.D.  
  
Oh great. How do we settle this?  
Quistis Trepe  
  
Just call them Butterfly Boy and Shrimpy. It fits.  
S.L.  
  
Hey!  
Irvine K.  
  
Hey!  
Z.D.  
  
Jinx!  
  
Irvine K.  
  
What the.?  
Z.D.  
  
We said the same thing at the same time. Now you can't speak until someone says your name now. But because this is over Garden Square, the rules are you can't type. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!  
Irvine K.  
  
Um, Irvine, what are you on?  
Quistis Trepe  
  
Whatever Selphie's normally on.  
Almasy  
  
HEY! That's offensive!  
Selphie  
  
Well, it's true.  
Almasy  
  
It is true. Remember how all you wanted to do was blow stuff up?  
Quistis Trepe  
  
I still do.  
Selphie  
  
Uh-oh. Run.  
R.H.  
  
Ha ha, very funny.  
Selphie  
  
Actually, it is.  
Irvine K.  
  
Oh shut up.  
Selphie  
  
[User 'Xu' has logged on.]  
  
What's going on?  
Xu  
  
Nothing.  
Selphie  
  
Nada.  
Quistis Trepe  
  
Life.  
R.H.  
  
We're talking. That is legal, right?  
Almasy  
  
You're supposed to be banned.  
Xu  
  
Yeah, yeah, whatever. That doesn't apply to the head of the Disciplinary Committee.  
Almasy  
  
Want to bet?  
Xu  
  
Fine.  
Almasy  
  
Hey, where's Zell?  
Xu  
  
Oh yeah! I am back on the air!  
  
Z.D.  
  
Well, he was jinxed, until someone said his name.  
Irvine K.  
  
Sorry. Oh, I need to go.  
Xu  
  
[User 'Xu' has logged off.]  
  
Where did she  
Almasy  
  
[User 'Almasy' had logged off.]  
  
Where did they go?  
Quistis Trepe  
  
Xu probably went to arrest the idiot for bypassing his ban.  
Z.D.  
  
I can't believe he kept posting while she was on!  
R.H.  
  
That's more something I'd expect from Zell, not him.  
Irvine K.  
  
Hey!  
  
Z.D.  
  
I agree with Irvine.  
S.L.  
  
Wow. You're actually commenting. Amazing.  
R.H.  
  
Whatever. Lunch is over, it's time for me to go.  
S.L.  
  
[User 'S.L.' has logged off.]  
  
Uh-oh! I need to get ready for my class!  
Quistis Trepe  
  
[User 'Quistis Trepe' has logged off.]  
  
Yeah, I should go too.  
R.H.  
  
[User 'R.H.' has logged off.]  
  
See you later, Shrimpy.  
Irvine K.  
  
Later, Butterfly Boy.  
Z.D.  
  
[Users 'Irvine K.' and 'Z.D.' have logged off.]  
  
[User 'Selphie' has logged off.]  
  
A/N: Man, I had fun with this chapter. I always thought the Garden Square you can access from your classroom seat was so cool and funny. Hope you liked the chapter! As always, please review. Praise, helpful comments, anything. Now, to thank the reviewers...  
  
Verdanii: Please, please, please find inspiration soon! And thank you for the review!  
  
Ispreno: Oh yeah, I guess the food was kind of different. You reviewed again! Thank you!  
  
Evan'sRinoa: Thank you for pointing out that Zell anonymously appears in this. I have corrected this issue. Thank you for the review! 


	9. Ballroom Troubles: Part One

**Ballroom Troubles, Part One**

"Come on, everyone! We need to get to set up the Garden Festival!" Selphie said, leading the way to the social hall of Balamb Garden. Rinoa, Quistis, Irvine and Zell were following her, albeit unhappily. They had been having a nice dinner in the cafeteria when Selphie had bounced in, telling them to help her put up decorations for the Garden Festival. Irvine, caught off guard, and agreed that _all _of them could come.

"Way to go, Butterfly boy." complained Zell for the twentieth time, although it was quietly, so that Selphie wouldn't hear.

"Look, Shrimpy, she caught me off guard, okay?" Irvine hissed back, for the twentieth time.

"Be quiet." Rinoa whispered to both of them, tired already of the endless arguments.

"What are you talking about?" asked Selphie, dropping back to where they were walking.

"Umm...how excited we are to help you set up the Garden Festival." Irvine said, saying the first thing that came to mind. The others glared at him. Selphie just smiled brightly.

"You guys must really want to help, from all the whispering I hear. I'll find lots of things for you to do!" she said happily. The headmaster passed by just then, saving Irvine from an untimely death.

"Ah, I'm glad to see you managed to find some helpers, Selphie." Cid said, smiling. "I can tell this will be a great festival."

"It sure will!" Selphie said.

"Keep up the good work." Cid said, just as they reached the social, the same room that held the annual SeeD inauguration. He walked down a side corridor, and Irvine ducked behind a pillar immediately. If looks could kill, he would be as dead as a person attacked by 1000 Ultimecias. And that was pretty dead. Everyone followed him, making sure he didn't leave the room. If they were stuck here, he wasn't allowed to escape. Well, Zell was trying to hit him, but he was at the back of the crowd. Selphie looked at them oddly.

"What's the matter, everyone?" she asked, concerned.

"Nothing. We were...thinking about what to do with this pillar." Irvine said. He immediately slapped his hand to his mouth. Everyone glared at him. Zell started shaking, like he always did when Seifer was taunting him. Irvine tried to become very small.

"You guys must really want to work. I'll just go into the closet and get the decorations I bought. Irvy, come help me get them, would you?" she asked.

"Of course." he said, quickly getting away from the group. Rinoa and Quistis held Zell back. Selphie looked at Irvine as they started to pull the boxes labeled 'Garden Festival' out of the closet.

"What's going on, Irvine?" she asked, passing him a couple boxes. She grabbed the others, and they walked back to where Quistis and Rinoa had just calmed Zell down.

"Nothing." he said, waving his hand dismissively. Selphie just sighed and shook her head.

"Okay, here's how it's going. Irvine is in charge of decorating the tables with flowers, tablecloths and that sort of thing."

"Hey, I want to do the balloons!" complained Irvine.

"No way! I don't trust you with balloons _or_ streamers. Quistis, you get to do the balloons. Rinoa, you get the streamers. Zell is going to help me set up the speakers and electrical equipment on the stage." Everyone nodded, and got to work. About an hour later, Squall wandered in.

"Hello Squall." Rinoa said from her perch on top of the ladder, where she was putting the streamers up. "Why are you here?"

"I came to tell everyone that it's nearly curfew."

"Really?" Selphie said, jumping off the stage. "We'd better start cleaning up. Squall, can you give us a hand? The boxes go in the closet." she said, gesturing toward the closet on the far back wall.

"Fine." he said, and lifted the nearest box. Irvine and Zell also grabbed boxes, and Rinoa began to roll up the streamers from atop the ladder. Selphie walked over to help Quistis, who had just jumped down from her ladder, put away the already blown up balloons into a nearby box.

"Well, well, well. What are we doing out after curfew?" asked a voice from the doorway. Everyone turned around to see Seifer standing there. However, he wasn't flanked by Fujin and Raijin, as he usually was.

"We're putting away the decorations for the Garden Festival." Selphie said, showing him some of the balloons.

"I see." he said, frowning. Then he smirked. "Well then, I guess you might have a right to be here."

"Of course we do!" Selphie said, jumping up and down in annoyance. Seifer just smirked even more broadly.

"Temper, temper." he said.

"Where are Fujin and Raijin?" asked Rinoa. She jumped down from the ladder, and put the streamers in with the balloons.

"They're checking on the secret area. Like it's that secret." He walked further into the room, and looked over at the stage. "I can't believe you're still doing this. It'll just be a mess."

"If you have some ideas you can help!" Selphie said, running over with a clipboard. She shoved it under his nose. "Just sign here!" she said, pointing at a dotted line.

"No way! I do _not _want to be associated with this...this...this _event_!"

"Is that the best insult you have?" asked Zell, shadow punching the nearby pillar.

"Do you punch pillars because you can't reach moving targets?" Seifer asked. Zell turned a dark crimson shade, and stalked menacingly toward Seifer. He just smirked. "What are you going to do, hit me?" he asked. Zell was stopped by Squall and Irvine, and he struggled against them.

'Let me go! I swear I won't kill him, just bruise him a bit! I'll let you hit him some too!" he pleaded.

"No fighting." Squall stated.

"This is pathetic." Seifer scoffed. He cast his eye upon the rest of the social hall. "Geez, what a dump. I wouldn't want to be caught dead in here. You shouldn't waste your time on this embarrassment. You're such-OW!"

"Take that, you big bully!" snapped Selphie as she kicked Seifer in the back. "Take back what you said."

"No way! I'm writing you up for this." he said.

"If you can get out of here alive." she said, and hit the back of his head. Seifer threw up his hands to protect himself from the barrage of punches, and ran further into the room. Selphie was close on his heels the entire way. Rinoa scurried back up to the top of her ladder as they rushed by.

"Now that's enough!" Quistis said, as stepped between the two. Selphie stood there, glaring at Seifer, who glared right back. "I want five whole minutes of silence from all of you, and that is an order. I cannot believe your behavior. And in five minutes you must apologize."

"But-" began Selphie and Seifer, but Quistis cut them off.

"Every time you talk the countdown goes back up to five more minutes." she told them. They nodded at her, still glaring at each other. Squall continued to hold Zell back, and Irvine continued to put the boxes away. Suddenly, there was a huge bang from the directions of the doors. Immediately afterward, everyone was engulfed in darkness.

"What the...what happened?" asked a voice. It sounded a lot like Selphie. There was some shuffling, and a smack.

"OW! Watch it, _I'm_ here!" snapped another voice. A voice with that much malice had to be Seifer.

"Sorry." The sarcasm came from either Zell or Irvine, probably Zell as Irvine had been by the closet last.

"Do not move. That will make this worse." And that calm, bored voice had to be Squall.

"Go _away_, chickenwuss!" Seifer snapped, and there was the sound of a fist meeting with flesh. There was some stumbling, a scream, and a huge crash.

"What was that?" asked Quistis.

"Zell knocked over my ladder." Rinoa said shakily.

"Is anything broken?" asked Squall. There was a short pause.

"No. There're just some bruises, plus my head and ankle really hurt. At least the ladder wasn't up too high."

"Yeah." agreed Selphie. "I'm going to try the door." They heard her walking across the floor, then a muffled bang as she hit the wall. There was some muttering from over there - probably a curse - then silence.

"It's locked!" Selphie gasped, and they heard her banging on the door. "Let us out!" she shrieked.

"So, what do we do now?" asked Irvine. He sounded closer to the rest of the group now. "What happened, anyway?"

"It's after curfew now. The Garden Faculty probably thought there was no one in here, because we were standing behind the stage. They locked us up, and they won't be around until eight to unlock the door. Or possibly later, because the social hall isn't used much."

"We're...stuck in here?! Oh Hyne, that just sucks!"

"Seifer! Watch your language!" Quistis snapped.

"Sorry Instructor, but come on! I don't want to be stuck in here with you people." He shuffled around for a moment, and banged into something.

"Damn stage." he hissed.

"You're making things worse by moving." Rinoa said. "What are you trying to do?"

"Get to the door. I'm sure Fujin or Raijin will come to save me, and until them I can try to escape this living hell."

"Your being here doesn't exactly make this a picnic either." Irvine muttered.

"Of course it does. If I wasn't here with my stunning personality..."

"Enough with the drama, Seifer." Zell said. "Of I could call you a drama queen."

"That has a nice ring to...QUEEN?!?! I am _not_ a queen." Seifer said, realizing what Zell had said.

"You really thought you were a girl?" Zell asked in a singsong voice.

"No! I thought you said _king_. I am a _king_."

"You are a queen. I shall now call you Queen Seifer."

"I'm calling you Shrimpy."

"I am not shrimpy!"

"Do you like shrimp?"

"Yes."

"Then you're Shrimpy."

"Hey, just because I'm shorter than _you_..."

"You can't argue the facts, Shrimpy."

"Whatever, Queen Seifer."

"You're stealing other people's trademarked words."

"What's my trademarked word?"

"Oh yeahhhhhh!"

"Oh yeah, it is."

"You forgot to throw your fist into the air and then pulling it down sharply. That's the trademark hand movement."

"But I wasn't saying my trademarked words, I was just saying the general phrase of oh yeah. Besides, you can't see me in the dark..."

"Okay, enough!" Quistis said. "I've had enough of this conversation. We're going to talk about something else, _now_."

"Okay then, what are we going to talk about, your most impressive instructorness?"

"You are going to be quiet."

"Oh, come on. Who gave you authority here?"

"Headmaster Cid."

"Oh yeah? Well...well...damn him!" Seifer said, struggling for an appropriate comeback, and not finding one.

"Guys, this is just a suggestion, but we really should to try and escape from here." Selphie said, breaking into their arguing. Everyone was quiet for a few moments, either digesting the fact someone wasn't yelling or that is was Selphie.

"Wow, good one." Zell said.

"You guys always think I'm so slow. But I'm not." Selphie said. "And I don't want you people to act as though I don't know what is going on, because I do. I go along because I don't want to separate the group."

"Okay Seffie, we won't make fun of you anymore. And to prove it, you can help formulate the plan to help us escape." Irvine said.

"Woo-hoo!" Selphie said.

"That is also a trademark word." Seifer said.

"I get the point. I passed English."

"Prove it."

"Stop it." Squall said. "We do need to get out of here, and before sunrise. There is no guarantee that this door will be opened again tomorrow."

"Won't they notice us gone, especially Squall and Quistis?" asked Rinoa.

"Yes, they will. But only after a while will they come here." said Quistis. "And I'd rather not leave my students without instruction for so long, plus I don't want the whole Garden to know that we were stuck in a room without escape. That will create so many unwanted rumors."

"Good point." Rinoa said. "What's the plan, Selphie? You know this room better than all of us."

"Well, there is the crawl space under the floor. And we can, if worse comes to worse, try to scale down Garden from the balcony."

"Let's try to avoid that. I'm not fond of my own death." Seifer said.

"I vote the crawl space first." said Squall.

"I second the motion." Quistis said.

"Let's do it!" Zell added enthusiastically.

"Go ahead, darlin'." Irvine said, and he was probably tipping his hat.

"Let's get this over with." Seifer snarled.

"Sounds good." Rinoa said, casting her vote.

"Woo-hoo! Okay, everyone try to feel around to where everyone else is. Go slowly, so that there is less pain. Oh, and there is an over turned ladder somewhere." Now, by now their vision had adjusted, so they weren't totally blind. Soon they had assembled. No one was uncovered in bruises, but no one was wounded, except for Rinoa's ankle and head.

"Okay, I'm going to locate the crawl space. You guys follow behind me slowly, careful not to hit anything. The entrance is under the stage, and there is a lot of equipment under there, so be careful. Everyone ready?" Everyone murmured affirmative, and Selphie started toward the stage at a slow, sedated pace. But still they kept bumping into each other. Thankfully, it wasn't far to the crawl space, where Selphie halted them.

"Has anyone actually been in the crawl space before?" she asked.

There was silence.

"Well then, because no one-"

"Wait a moment!" said Zell. "I have! The time I was running away from Seifer for dumping that cake on him." There was a sigh of annoyance at the mention of the cake, and everyone knew it was from Squall.

"You didn't say anything." Rinoa said.

"I was raising my hand!"

"In the dark? Great one." Seifer muttered.

"Well, I forgot!"

"Forgot about the blackness surrounding you?"

"Well...well..." Zell tried desperately to come up with an answer that didn't have him pegged as a total moron.

"Just for that, Seifer, you're going into the crawl space too."

"What?! I've never been in the crawl space."

"Yes you have."

"Shh!"

"When?" asked Squall curiously.

"When we were kids. It was during dancing class, and Seifer didn't want to participate in it. The Garden Faculty dragged him in from the Training Center, then asked our instructor to step outside for a moment. While they were out, everyone was milling around, but I noticed Seifer sneaking into the crawl space. He thought that he could escape through there. What he forgot about, however, was that the entrance under the stage goes two ways, up and down. Our instructor came back, and asked where Seifer was. There was a loud noise above us, and a chandelier crashed down, with Seifer holding on for dear life."

Everyone had to laugh at the mental image of Seifer riding down on a chandelier.

"It's set then." Selphie said. "Seifer and Zell will go through the crawl space, and open the door on the other side." Selphie said.

"Why both of us?" asked Seifer.

"Because I think you'll leave us in here, and Zell can watch you. Your going with Zell because that way he won't go at a snail's pace through the crawl space. Now get going."

After much grumbling, and lots of pushing, Seifer and Zell were in the crawl space.

A/N: Wow...another chapter is finally up. Now, on to the shout outs.

Ashbear: Yeah, well, some of this is kind of based on several of my experiences. Like the car ride, for instance. We were told to turn at a red churchexcept they meant a brick church, not a painted one. Plus the bricks were more black than red Oh well. And thanks for reviewing the poem I wrote.

Happi Froggi: Yeah, the cheerios. And it's kind of a tie between who is worse. Thanks for the reviews!

Verdanii: Thank you.


	10. Ballroom Troubles: Part Two

Author's note: Hey, it's finally up! I must apologize for keeping you all waiting. But it's finally here!

Maloire: Thank you for the reviews! You must have gone way back in pages to find my story. And thanks for the typos. When I get around to revising this (if ever) I will be sure to look at those notes.

ShadowMecha: Well, I've updated. Enjoy!

Verdanii: Glad it was so amusing.

psychobunny410: Yeah, I can see him riding a chandalier too.

Ashbear: So glad that you have enjoyed the story so far.

**Ballroom Troubles: Part Two **

"I hate this," muttered Zell as he hit his knee against the narrow shaft for the tenth time. Seifer hissed in annoyance.

"This isn't exactly a picnic for me either," he growled, crawling along. Then he stopped, and looked back. "Come on, chicken-wuss!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming." Zell said, and stopped holding his bruised knee. He crawled up to where Seifer was paused. "Why are we doing this again?"

"So everyone else can get free," Seifer explained, annoyance twisting his features.

"But that can't be why you're in here," Zell said. Seifer shrugged, then started crawling again.

"Well, there is that whole part where we were shoved in here, and the door was locked behind us. So we're kind of stuck in here."

"Well, this bites."

"It doesn't bite, chicken-wuss. It sucks." Zell didn't even dignify that with a responce. He just kept crawling along, hoping he would eventually find the otherside. Hopefully. He was going to try his hardest, because he sure didn't want to be stuck in here with Seifer. They crawled along in silence, avoiding conversation. That's why they heard it.

_Crack _

Zell looked around. "Seifer, did you hear that?"

"The crack? Yeah, I heard it. Let's just keep going."

"I don't know. It could be dangerous..."

"And we could be stuck together until dawn if we don't get out of here. Maybe even longer, because no one uses this room. I'm willing to risk the slight breaking of the shaft or your death to get out."

"How...wonderful..." murmured Zell, trying to control his anger. He started to crawl, then stopped. "Um, Seifer? We are travelling...downward, right?"

"You're the one that gave me the instructions. You tell me," Seifer retorted. Zell was silent a moment. "Goddamnit, you don't know where we _are_?"

"I do too know where we are! We're in Garden."

"Oh, I feel _much_ better knowing that," grumbled Seifer. "That does it, I'm getting out of here."

"But what about the door?"

"I'll just push it in or something, I don't know! But I refuse to stay in this rat infested, rotten, cold, dark tunnel for another minute!"

"What's that part about rats?" Zell asked, trying to remain calm.

"A rat ran across my hand. So what?"

"A RAT!" Zell shrieked, jumping up and hitting his head on the tunnel. "I HATE RATS!" He started to pat himself down in a desperate attempt to get rid of the rats.

"Stop it!" Seifer protested, trying to grab Zell and knock him out. "The whole tunnel is starting to buckle!"

"Okay, okay, must remain calm... Yes, calm blue ocean... I am at - EEKK! It ran across my HAND! ARGH!" He started the desperate dance to rid himself of the rat once again.

"Zell, you're going to collapse the - " But he didn't get to complete his sentance as the floor beneath them gave way, and they tumbled into the darkness below.

* * *

"What was that?" asked Quistis as they heard shrieks.

"I have no idea," Selphie said.

"I hope they found a way out," grumbled Irvine. "I'm starting to really hate the darkness."

"It's more likey they're fighting," said a bored Squall. No one could see anything, but they all had a clear mental image of Squall leaning against what Garden had affectionately started calling 'Squall's Wall', the place where he always sat out (or leaned out) social events, an expression of annoyance on his features as he hoped that all this insanity would rectify itself soon, because there was nothing he could do.

There was a thump, and suddenly two voices broke out into the silence.

"Get your foot out of my kidney!" said an unmistakable cruel voice.

"Maybe when you politely remove your _elbow_ from my _spine_!" retorted Zell.

"I'm nowhere near your spine."

"Then what's this sharp - OW! It's a vacuum."

"Told you wasn't my elbow."

"Help!" called a faint voice in desperation, not bothering to respond to that last comment.

"Zell? Is that you?" asked Rinoa.

"Yeah! I think we took the upper path, and fell down into the ballroom somewhere."

"Damn, we need a new plan," grumbled Irvine.

"Where are you?" said Selphie. "You must be on the other side of the room, because you sound really faint."

"Uh, I think we're in the...closet! That can't be right!" shouted Seifer. "Get me _out_ of here!" They heard a banging on wood, then a curse as someone's fist connected with something that sounded very, very hard.

"What do you mean, you're in the closet?" asked Selphie.

"Oh no, I think Seifer's right," said Zell. "I feel all of this metal around me, and the only place in the ballroom with any sort of metal is the ladder, which Rinoa is currently next to, and the electrical equipment in the closet."

"Zell, all of that stuff is on the stage. I know, because I made you set all of it up."

"But it's pretty cramped in here," he complained.

"Hee hee," Selphie giggled.

"What's so funny?" asked Rinoa.

"They're trapped in a closet. Most people are only in closets if they're janitors, which they both aren't, or if they wanted to make out."

"EWWW!" shrieked two voices in unison. There was the sound of fists colliding with bodies as the two tried desperately to separate themselves.

"Get me _out_!" snapped Zell, panic starting to rise in his voice.

"At least this is a roomy closet. We're at least five feet from each other," Seifer said, although he also sounded annoyed. Selphie just laughed harder.

"You're not living this one down," she said, then started to laugh all over again. Rinoa and Irvine's soft chuckles could be heard amid Selphie's out right bellows of laughter.

"Oh hyne. I know where they are," said Quistis. "And you'll both be glad to know it's not the closet."

"Oh thank HYNE!" said Zell. "I'd do a dance, but I don't know where the ceiling is."

"So where are they?" questioned Squall.

"That they'll be less happy to know."

"Why?" asked Seifer.

"You did take the right path. No one uses those paths anymore, so they're in disrepair. You fell into the room underneath the ballroom."

"And what, pray tell, is that?" asked Seifer, and he tried with all of his might to keep his voice level.

"The boiler room."

"Oh damn it."

"For once, chicken-wuss, we agree."

* * *

Zell couldn't believe it. They were in the boiler room. The single most feared place in all of Garden.

"Seifer, I want out."

"I've said it once, and I'll say it again. This isn't exactly a picnic for me either," grumbled Seifer. He was silent a moment. "So, this is the infamous boiler room. Always wanted to see it, but I would have preferred seeing it through a photo, not from being trapped in it.

The boiler room looked like any boiler room - there was a boiler (hence the name), some other machines that no one knew what precisely they did, and some random pieces of equipment that had been left down here when everyone had started to avoid it like the plague, including the vacuum that had been recently lodged in Zell's back. But Seifer and Zell's dismay did not stem from that fact, nor did it stem from the children's stories about how the naughty child little Billy had been thrown in the boiler.

No, their dismay with the boiler room stemmed from the fact that it had it's own poltergeist. And a rather angry one at that.

"Okay, we have to remain calm. There's gotta be a door somewhere, right?" Seifer said. He started to move around, feeling for the door.

"Unless they blocked it up," Zell said.

"That would be stupid. Someone would need to come check up on the boiler once in a while, right?"

"True..." Zell said. He started to move around too, looking for the door. After all, what did he have to loose that he hadn't already lost? His dignity was gone, his pride shattered, and his trust in the school was currently gone. No, he had nothing left to loose.

His hands outstretched, he started to move around. After a few minutes of looking, his hand rammed into something wooden.

"I think I got it," he said, his hand closing around something sphere-shaped and metal. "Oh yeah, it's the door!"

"Get it open, quick!" said Seifer, slowly making his way over to where Zell stood. Zell used all of his strength, but it was no good.

"It won't open," he said.

"Damnit, let me try!" Seifer snapped, pushing him out of the way. He also used his strength on the knob, but it wouldn't move. "Shit."

"Uh, Seifer...?" said Zell, trying to avoid the panic that was creeping through his veins. He swatted, but there was nothing for his fist to connect with.

"Go away, I'm busy."

"Seifer..." Zell started to tug on his coat sleeve as words left him.

"Stop it, chickenwuss!"

"Turn around. Now," demanded Zell, still staring. Seifer sighed.

"This had better be good..." he said, turning. Then he stopped.

* * *

"So, what are we going to do?" asked Selphie.

"I think our first priority should be getting out of here," said Irvine. "We can worry about Seifer and Zell later."

"That's true," Selphie admitted. "Okay, so we've eliminated the door and the crawlspaces. What's left?"

"I guess the balcony," said Rinoa. "Although it's going to be hard to climb down the side of Garden, seeing as it's smooth."

"Well, we could find some hooks or something, I guess," Selphie said. "Or we could try and throw stuff at the windows above us and get some help that way."

"I think your second idea makes more sense," Quistis said.

"Okay, I'll grab some silverware, and everyone else - "

Her words were drowned out by two piercing screams from somewhere below them.

* * *

Well, I didn't mean to do it, but I have another cliffhanger. But I'll post part three quicker this time, I promise! 


	11. Ballroom Troubles: Part Three

psychobunny410: Dude, thanks for the review. And yeah, there is _something_ in there. Something...strange. Read the chapter to find out!

jazzfire: Hmm, interesting idea...

Luna of Elera: I'm glad you like it so far.

**Ballroom Troubles: Part Three**

"W-what was that?" squeaked Rinoa.

"I don't know... But I do know that Zell _and_ Seifer will never hear the end of the fact they just squealed like little girls," Irvine said evilly, chuckling slightly. By now, they had gotten used to the darkness, and the faint light from the stars allowed them to generally see who was moving, although the idenity of that person was difficult to distinguish. Irvine had his hat to helped tell him apart, and Squall was the only one leaning casually on the wall. Other than that, it was kind of hard to tell the three girls apart.

"Irvine, we have to focus on getting out of here!" said Quistis. "I don't want to be stuck here forever."

"Okay, okay. Jeez, don't be so uptight."

"Let's get back to my original plan," said Selphie. "We need to gather up unimportant things to throw at the windows so someone gets us out of here."

"Why don't we just stay here?" suggested a bored voice. Everyone turned in the general direction that they thought that Squall was in, meaning that in reality they ended up facing a wide variety of places.

"What?" said Rinoa said. "How can you say that?"

"Well, in the end, someone will come looking for us. And being in the dark isn't hurting any of us. Why waste silverware by throwing it at windows when we could just accept this absurd predicament and get some sleep?"

"_You _may want to stay here, but _I _want to get into a nice warm bed," said Rinoa. She started to slowly walk around, looking, or rather feeling, for the tables. "Come on, let's get out of here."

"Y'know Squall, you're pretty brilliant and all when it comes to planning stuff and leading stuff, but I don't wanna spend my life in here," said Selphie. "Or even a night. I'm gonna get out."

"Yeah, dude," Irvine added. "I had some major plans for tonight."

"Irvine, for the last time, you _can't_ drive from Dollet to Deling in under _three hours_! The cops will arrest you, and I refuse to pay more bail for you than I already have. Plus Garden will not be thrilled with it," Selphie said, exhasperated.

"But Sefie, I have a bet curcuit on Garden Square. I could win a lot of money! The odds are excellent! And then I can rub my winnings in stupid Zell's face, seeing as he's the one betting the most against me."

"You're not supposed to bet within Garden walls!"

"Yeah, not in the open. Behind the scenes, though, with some well chosen code names..."

"I was wondering why you had a site on flower prices."

"Hey, it's a great cover."

"Yeah, the biggest 'macho man' pretender ever having a flower site isn't suspicious in anyway."

"What do you mean, pretender?"

"Irvine, Selphie, please..." said Quistis wearily. "It's been a long night, and you're making it even longer."

"But Quistis..." two voices whined in unison.

"No, don't even argue. Just get some stuff together to throw."

* * *

"Seifer... What is that?" whispered Zell. "I keep punching straight through it."

"I don't know." Neither of them said it, but they were both thinking it. It was the poltergeist. Seifer tried to make a bold retreat, but the very solid door and wall made that plan impossible.

"Seifer, the poltergeist is here," Zell whispered, trying to make himself very flat against the wall, but failing because Seifer was already doing that exact same thing.

"Well, it can't be real," he tried to reason, pushing himself away from the wall. He reached out to grab at whatever it was, but it just glided out of the way. He frowned.

"See, it's scared of us!" he said with a lot more confidence than he felt. Zell chuckled nervously, although he did not move an inch from the wall. Seifer took another step, and suddenly the poltergeist rounded on him, moving in with barely visible fangs.

Seifer, in a moment of desperation, threw Zell into the path of the white monstrosity that was slowly creeping toward them, and ran to the other side of the room, throwing himself behind a pile of crates. Zell, too shocked by this sudden move to defend himself in anyway, was shoved headlong straight at the white mass. He recovered before he connected with it, though, and fell to the side. The white mass moved jerkily to hover over him, and he quickly jumped behind the crates with Seifer, landing on him.

"You're absolutely right, there's nothing there," muttered Zell sarcastically, trying to regain his balanced.

"Shut up," Seifer hissed. "And get off my lap."

"Trust me, I'm trying," Zell grumbled, finally getting himself balanced enough to remove himself from the awkward position. Seifer chanced a glance at the mass, and saw that it was still there.

"Okay, supposing that thing does exist, how do we get rid of it, or get out of here?" he questioned. Zell frowned, deep in thought.

"Uh...I don't know," he admitted. Seifer sighed.

"It's gonna be a long night, isn't it?"

* * *

They'd managed to gather together an odd collection of items to throw at the windows above them. Each and everyone one of them had gathered on the balcony, with the exception of Squall, who was still bonding with his wall.

"Should we really be throwing some of this stuff?" asked Quistis as she looked at one of the crystal vases of Garden's. "It might not be disposable, or replacable."

"Then Garden can bill me," grumbled Irvine, picking up a fork. "Godspeed, oh aerodynamic fork."

"How do you know it's aerodynamic?" asked Rinoa curiously. "Learning isn't really your thing."

"That was actually more of a prayer," Irvine said, pulling his arm back, then thrusting it forward, releasing the fork with all the strength he could muster. However, he did not have the arm strength of Zell. Therefore, the fork managed to fly three feet into the air, then tumbled downward and crashed into the ocean below them. Selphie looked at Irvine, annoyed.

"Smooth," she said sarcastically. Irvine grinned sheepishly.

"Uh, I meant to do that," he said, leaning against the railing and tipping his hat casually, trying to look cool and in control. None of the three women were particularly impressed by this display, however.

"I bet even I could throw better than that," Selphie said, picking up several forks. She carefully sighted the window above them, and threw the forks. One actually managed to hit the window. She looked smugly at Irvine. "Oh yeah."

"Huh, that was mere luck," Irvine muttered darkly. Selphie just laughed as they all started to pick up more things to throw. Fifteen minutes later, however, they were starting to run out of things to throw. They'd managed to hit the window several times, but no one answered. Selphie hefted the crystal vase, and looked up at the window.

"Okay, here it goes," she said, pulling her arm back and carefully aiming for the window.

"Choke, choke!" shrieked Irvine as she was about to throw. Selphie, startled, stopped in mid throw. The vase wobbled, but she didn't drop it. She turned to face Irvine, annoyed.

"You do realize this vase is our last chance of escape, right? Ruining my shot doesn't help you in anyway."

"Or so you think," Irvine said, winking. "But I have a wonderful idea for getting out of here, and it doesn't require your barely acceptable arm strength."

"If mine's barely acceptable, what's yours?" Selphie muttered.

"Tsk, tsk, you won't get my help this way."

"I don't need it."

"You're gonna regret saying that. My idea is the best ever. In fact, it's stunning, if I do say so myself. It's the absolute epitome of - "

"If this has anything to do with you playing your guitar I will strangle you. I also threw it over the side of Garden this afternoon."

"...But the problem with genius is it's fleeting, and my idea is gone. Please, proceed," Irvine said, quickly changing tactics and bowing toward her mockingly. Selphie just snorted, and pulled her arm back. She sighted the window, and threw it with all her strength. The vase crashed through the window, and Selphie shrieked in delight.

"Whoo-hoo!" she shrieked. There were angry murmurs above them, which everyone assumed were violent curses, and a person leaned out the window.

"Watch where you're throwing your junk!" snapped a voice, throwing the pieces of the vase over the side. Everyone threw themselves to the side of the shards, trying to avoid the shrapnel. The person, who sounded female although you never could be too sure about these things, started to leave, but Quistis called desperately after what they assumed was a female.

"Hey, wait!" The person came back.

"Quistis? Is that you?" called the person.

"Xu! Please, you have to help me. We're caught down here in the ballroom, and we can't get out!"

"How did that happen?"

"It's a long story, okay? Can't you just get down here and help us?"

"All right, I'll go find Cid and explain the situation."

"Thank you so much," Quistis said in relief. They all laughed, glad it was soon to be all over with.

* * *

"Seifer, stop snoring before I beat you with the spatula I just discovered I'm sitting on," snappped Zell, irritated with the way Seifer had so easily fallen asleep.

"Why?" he grumbled, pulling his trenchcoat tighter around himself because it was so cold in the boiler room, which seemed rather ironic although they didn't find it that funny.

"Because it's - " Zell stopped suddenly, and looked at the door. "Did you just hear that?"

"The sound of a knob turning? Yeah," Seifer said, wide awake all of a sudden. "What god blessed me with this?" he wondered aloud.

"Here, Fido, come here boy!" called a voice, a male voice. The two looked at each other, confused. "Aw, there you are! And look, you got tangled up in your sheet again! Here, let me get that off."

The two of them sprang up, and came face to face with Jordon Cadmus and a rather large anacondaur.

"Oh - " began Zell.

"My - " added Seifer.

"GOD!" they finished together.

"You idiot!" snapped Zell, looking ready to strangle Jordon. He looked up, startled by their sudden appearance.

"Whoa, what were you two doing back there?" he wondered, curious.

"That doesn't matter! You scared us!" Suddenly, something else occured to him. "Hey, _you_ were the one that let that anacondaur into Garden!"

"Um, now see, there's a great explination for that. See, I was... uh, um... oh." He stopped petting his monster's head as the implications set in. "You're not gonna tell, are you?"

"Jordon, we have to," Zell said. Jordon frowned.

"If you do that, I'm telling everyone you and Seifer were alone in the basement!" he snapped, looking at each of them. They stared, shocked. "You let me get Fido out of Garden, and don't tell anyone, and I won't mention this little incident to anyone, okay?"

"He's got us," Seifer admitted. "It's a deal."

"Excellent." Jordon shook each of their hands, then walked out of the room, Fido trailing behind him in his sheet. Seifer and Zell raced for the door, determined to see the light of day again.

* * *

"Quistis, are you still in there?" called Xu, much to the relief of all invovled.

"Xu, thank god you're here!" Quistis said, running over to the door. A moment later there was a sickening crunch, and the sound of something flesh-like hitting the marble floor. "Ouch," she hissed, "That was a wall."

"Ouch," murmured Rinoa sympathetically the they followed Quistis's lead, although they avoided running and walls. The five assembled together at the door, and waited with baited breath as Cid ambled over to the door. There was the sound of a key entering the lock, then metal hitting metal. Silence fell.

"Damn key always sticks," grumbled Cid. "Let's see if I can... No, wait, that might break it.. Huh, what if I turn it like this, then twist it... No, maybe I should pull it out and put it back in... That's not right either..."

Squall charged the door just as Rinoa did. They collided into each other just as Cid opened the door, and the two of them tumbled out into the open hallway, tangled up in each other. Rinoa landed awkwardly on top of Squall, and the two of them looked up in shock at Cid, who was standing over them. You know about Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, right? Think of his nose, and you've got a good idea as to how Squall and Rinoa's faces looked right about now. Cid just chuckled.

"Geez, hang a sock on the door or something when you're gonna do that," he said, laughing. Squall quickly pushed Rinoa off of him, and stood up, his face getting redder still, which he managed to do with ease.

"Uh, sir, I can explain - "

"Oh, you don't have to," Cid said cheerily as he winked, walking into the room. Xu followed him, and the five friends started down the hallway, glad to be free. Suddenly, there was a shriek from the room behind them.

"My VASE! Oh, my precious, my precious!" Cid wailed at the top of his lungs, which was really high for an older dude. The five looked at each other, and came to the same agreement.

"RUN!"


End file.
